Balancing Act

If you've talked to me recently, you've probably heard me go on and on about how hard it is to be a parent of two. Well...it is! The number one reason it's hard is because it takes so much longer to get out the door. Add in tantrums, blow-outs, making bottles, pumping, and my day is already so full! It's hard to balance it all, but it's even harder to measure up to my own scale of what I think I should be doing.

Right now I am three and a half months postpartum and I should be working out every day, eating super healthy, getting out and about as easily as I did with one child, and be mom of the year with both of my kids. Now pause while I take a moment to hysterically laugh. When I write it all down it does look pretty ridiculous! It's been pointed out that I am spreading myself too thin and expecting too much of myself. I am queen of tearing myself down and I think it's time I started to build myself back up.

Things I am good at: Meal-planning and regular family dinners at home, getting the laundry not only washed, but folded the same or the next day, getting the dishes done daily, cleaning my home, reading scriptures with my family daily, getting out to do at least one thing a day (whether that's grocery shopping or a trip to the zoo), taking time to read a book or listen to one, getting Olivia to all of her activities and being on time, getting to church on time weekly (even by myself), sleeping, showering, getting myself ready for the day, getting two kids ready for the day, taking care of my pets....

Wow, so there are a lot of things I'm doing pretty well. I don't know why I'm so hard on myself, but I am doing a pretty good job! It's hard to not think that I should be able to do all the things that I could previously do when I just had one child, but I've got to give myself some slack. Women everywhere should give themselves some slack because I KNOW I'm not the only one who does this. There are things that are easier about being a mother the second time around, but there are definitely some things that are harder. I'm still learning about being a mom to Olivia and now I have Romney to deal with as well. My kids are wonderful, but they take a lot of work.

I have to teach a lesson in church about being a daughter of God and I have had a hard time really feeling that lately. I've been talking to other wise women, telling them my doubts and fears, and they have really lifted me up. They have reminded me that being a mom is a joyous blessing. I have never really liked motherhood to be called a "calling" when I know there are women out there who don't believe they should or can't have kids. I didn't want motherhood to be the only hat I was allowed to wear. I wanted to be recognized as more than just someone who wipes butts all day, (although I do that a lot as a nurse anyway), but the longer I've been a mom, the more I see the value in being a mother, and striving your best to be a good mother. I'd never trade my kids away for anything. Sure, it's hard work, but I am irreplaceable in my children's lives. Being a mother IS a calling. Something we forget about callings is that while the calling is offered, we have to be the one to accept it. Many choose to not accept this calling and some choose to accept this calling in different ways by stepping in and helping the children around them. I have chosen to accept this calling and I know that with God's help, he will help me be the mom to the children he sent me to raise. I am so glad I have his divine help because I really need it and I really need to ask for His help more often!

I am a woman of many hats, being a mom is a hat for all seasons though.

Another friend reminded me that I needed to stop comparing myself to others. I read in my favorite quote from Max Ehrmann in Desiderata, "If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself." I always thought that vanity was only bad when you looked at yourself in the mirror and thought how pretty you looked. I did not realize how vain I was being by comparing myself so often to those around me. I've decided that whenever I start comparing myself to someone, instead I will start to think positive thoughts about that person and leave myself out of it. I've heard that when you're feeling down, you should serve others, and that is one way that I will serve others, by putting only positive thoughts in my head about them, instead of bringing themselves down with me by comparing myself to them. It is true, that as you compare yourself to others, you become more bitter. I have felt thoughts that have started out good become poisonous and sour my relations with those people. 

Knowing you are a daughter of God gives you the stability to stop thinking about yourself and to think about those around you. It allows you to reach out and spread the goodness that is inside you, that is inside us all. That reminds me of the movie Trolls. I love the thought that we all have happiness inside of us, sometimes we just need someone's help to bring it out. Knowing you are a daughter of God can make you happy, and when you feel good, you want to share that goodness with others. 

Knowing you are a daughter of God allows you to see the divine worth in the people around you. Those snap judgments that you make about someone can be pushed to the back of your mind and you can take the time to get to know who that person really is.

Knowing you are a daughter of God means you realize that your Heavenly Father is your actual FATHER and that you can turn to him for help when life gets rough. You may not know how to raise your child, but you can bet that Heavenly Father knows how to. I have often said prayers to my Heavenly Father to help me say the right things to Olivia. I think he always answers my prayers, but I think sometimes I don't always listen very well. I could be a better listener and I could talk to him more. 

There are many things that I am still learning about being a daughter of God. While in this earthly sphere, it is hard to imagine my Divine Creator and that He cares about me just as much as he cares about his other children, but he does. Somehow he does. He whispers to me that I am doing good. He tells me that he loves me. He sends me friends to keep me from feeling alone. He helps me remember what's important. In the dark hours of the night when Satan knows my mind is weakest, my Heavenly Father helps me to go to sleep, because tomorrow is another day, and I always think better of myself in the morning, and sometimes the best blessing is just to forget about the day. 

So, I'm learning to balance. I have many balls that I'm juggling in the air as I wheel myself precariously across a tightrope, but God is my safety net if I fall, sometimes he throws me another ball and sometimes he takes one away, sometimes he's there for me to throw balls back and forth with, but he's always there, encouraging me to grow, to strengthen me when I'm weak, and to hold me when I slip.

I'm learning to love myself, to love being a parent, and to really appreciate the people in my life. I'm learning to take it easy, and when to put in a lot of effort. It's all a balancing act, and some days I'm better at it than others. As my YouTube yoga instructor says, "[balancing] is always different on different days, so never take it personally." I would have to agree. Some days are just easier to balance than others and we should be forgiving if our abilities fall short of our expectations. I deserve points just for getting back up to balance again! Now excuse me while I go eat some ice cream.