Just a quick update...

If you didn't know, I am back in school getting my Bachelor's Degree in Nursing and because of that, a lot of things have been falling through the cracks: clean house, clean kids, my social life, blogging....This last week I had a week off from school before my next 7-week session starts. It was a great break and I got a lot of friend time in as well as family time and some much-needed cleaning. It's hard to adjust to being back in school, but my expectations for myself are slowly shifting and I'm loving being back in school. Doing something for me has been the best medicine and I feel so much more confident and loving towards myself. I'm trying to use some of my positive coping mechanisms to keep my anxiety at bay when I feel like I've got too much going on. Working out and reading really help me feel like I'm doing something good for myself and it helps me get through my days. I feel like I'm starting to get a routine down and the best part is that I'm only taking one class for the next seven weeks (which is a good thing because I have A LOT of stuff going on the next couple of months).

Lately, Jordan and I have really been trying to do more as a family. The weather is so nice and we try to get out in it, whether it's going to a park or going to the drive-in, we're making time for family time. The rotation he is on right now has been pretty nice, and if the first week is any indication, we'll be enjoying the next two months a little more. It's nice to feel like we're getting a bit of a breather because this whole year has been so hard. People aren't kidding when they say residency is freaking hard. I say amen to that! Jordan thinks this year has gone by really fast, but I'm over here, like, are you kidding me?!!! This has been the longest, hardest year of my life! But we're surviving now and I'm finally feeling like we can manage this whole residency thing. It's nice that we'll have a better idea of what's to come and I know Heavenly Father has been helping us through the tough times. I would be remiss to leave out thanking Him for what he has done for my family and also for me. 

The decision to go back to school kind of came out of nowhere. I was thinking that I wanted to go back to school at some point, but I wasn't sure when. I had been staying at home with the kids this last year and I got to the point where I was just feeling really disconnected with myself. I went to a Relief Society church Christmas party and started talking to one of the ladies there. As I was talking to her, she brought up the fact that she is a teacher at a community college. Talking to her lit a spark in me and after I left that night, I knew I wanted and needed to go back to school. A few months later and here I am acing my courses and feeling amazing. It was all in God's hands. He knew when it would be right for me to go back and let the details fall into my lap. All I had to do was look up and thank him. 

I've really been trying to improve my relationship with Him lately. My "thank yous" are more sincere and heartfelt. I can feel Him in my life again. We have a relationship again, and I'm so thankful to know He is there and cares about me. He's giving me the strength to do all these things, and to show love to my family, and to show love to others. My cup is filling up again and I'm getting to the point where I can share it with others.

Whooooo. Well that was therapeutic. Now, on to a less serious note, is it just me, or is EVERYBODY running these days? I looked on Facebook today and sooooo many of my friends were running 5Ks and marathons, and I'm over here like, look at me, I'm on the elliptical! I'm freakin' Rocky! Haha, I'm kind of jealous though because I found out I have bursitis in my hip, which makes it really painful to run. Although I secretly am glad to have an excuse to not run, it makes me feel kind of sad that I can't run right now. Bursitis is inflammation in the fluid sac that cushions your joints. I'm lucky because I can still do strength-training and weightlifting, but any leg-jarring motions really bother me. Even walking up the stairs or carrying Romney on my hip can aggravate it, so it pretty much stinks. Anyway, good job all my running friends! You're awesome!

I'll be starting my next 7 weeks of classes tomorrow, so you probably shouldn't expect a blog update until then, but if you're reading this, thank you for keeping up with our family, and thanks for your support! Only a couple more months and we'll be into year 2 of residency and sooner than you know it, I'll be done with school again and off to the next adventure. My goal right now is to take time to stop and smell the roses and to truly be grateful for what I have right now. Jordan and I see all our friends going on amazing trips and we wish that were us, but then I think about all I have and how blessed we are and it really puts everything into perspective. We'll get our break one day, and for now we just need to enjoy life right where we are.

Livy I Love You

Lately Olivia has been really sensitive to any criticism I fling at her or any sharpness in my voice. I feel like I'm constantly making her cry, which frustrates me, then makes me feel guilty and mad because that wasn't my intention. Most of the time I'm sharp with her when I've told her something before and she forgets or I've asked her several times politely and then I snap at her. Crying is her default lately and it's been really hard on me. I want her to know I love her, but I also want her to learn to listen to me, and that sometimes I have to reprove her.

Today while in the van, I was feeling that same frustration due to her crying over what to me seems like nothing. I can see so badly that she wants to please and be good and I know she works so hard on reading and other things she struggles in. I spoke to her and told her that I loved her and I don't always know how best to handle my emotions or to show my love and that sometimes I have to tell her when she's doing something wrong. I told her that I never want to make her cry and that I'm still learning how to control my anger and my frustration and sometimes I get it wrong. The biggest thing I wanted her to know is that I still love her. I told her that even though sometimes I do bad things too, that it doesn't make me a bad person; I'm still a good person. I then proceeded to tell her that I know she's a good person and told her all of the amazing qualities that I noticed in her. I told her that because we're both still learning, that we shouldn't give up on one another. I told her that I would keep trying to be better, because she was worth it.

Olivia didn't say much through all of this and I didn't look back much at her as I was driving. The glimpses that I did get were of her little somber face, and then her falling asleep in the car. I think what I had said had lifted a weight off of her shoulders. I don't know if she'll remember what I said, but I'll remember, and I'll know why I keep trying to better myself as a mom, as a woman, and as a human being. I have to show Olivia that it's possible to change and to become kinder. I also hope she learns from my mistakes and doesn't beat up on herself so hard when she gets something wrong, but gets back up and tries again.

Later today, she was reading a Dr. Seuss book and read almost the entire thing by herself before getting too tired. I was so impressed by how she sounded out each word, some words she picked up immediately (even some of the longer ones). I made sure to give her lots of praise and encouragement as she worked through it. Reading is such a gift and I know what an escape it can be. It can open your mind to new worlds and even inspire you to create worlds of your own. I want Olivia to feel that same transportation that I feel when I read. She's not a quitter. She works hard. She loves with all her heart. I'm learning so much from her about myself, about how to challenge myself, and better myself. There is a selflessness in her that I don't know if I'll ever fully master, and she is not afraid to give her heart away. She is always ready to give hugs, write love notes, and tell you "I love you."

There are times when it's harder to be her mom and she really tries me, but when it's good, it's the most wonderful thing in the world, and that's what I work for: an endless amount of wonderful moments with her.

I don't pretend to be a perfect mom. I lose my temper more than I'd like to admit. I sometimes feel like running away, and I daydream about what life was like before kids. When reality reels me back in though, I'd be such a sad creature without them. I'm so glad Olivia is teaching me how to love. I didn't know I needed to be taught. I thought I had that all figured out, but she has a way of chipping at my frozen exterior and leaving me feeling more vulnerable and raw than I've ever felt. I've given my heart away, but I've never had someone take it in their hands and peel it open, even when I don't feel like opening up. It's like plucking a flower that hasn't bloomed and forcing the petals to open, and finding something inside that isn't quite ready, but you can see what it was meant to be. Olivia has a way of looking past all I do, and still being able to see that what I really meant to do was show her love. She believes in me so readily. I tell her something and it's truth. So when I tell her I love her, she believes me with all her heart. I hope that never fades, that she'll always know I love her by my actions, by my words, and by everything in between.

I'm truly blessed to be her mom.

A New Year! Out with the old, in with the new! Kind of a long post, but there's pictures!

This last month went by so fast that time reversed and all the weight I had lost during my fitness and accountability group never actually happened...Or I just gained it all back due to the amazing amount of delicious food I consumed over the holidays. I'm going to go with the first story. OK, so I have been dreading this post because so much has happened and to possibly try to remember it all seems exhausting, so I'm going to do my best to do a quick recap of this last month.

Jordan came home from his two-month stay in Ft. Hood and it has been so amazing having him back home. I'm sad to say that I took my own husband for granted, but I've realized that even the tiniest bit at home with the kids or the housework is such a HUGE help to me. Even now, when he has to get home from work after dinner time and interrupts the kids' bedtime routine, I'm so much more grateful to get to see him when I go to bed. It is so comforting having him home and I hate to have it any other way.

That being said, although most of the time while he was gone I felt like I was just a whiny, mopey, wimpy military doctor wife, I can see now that I am stronger for going through that and it's prepared me for what lies ahead. What does lie ahead...you may ask...well we'll get to that in a bit.

For now I want to talk about Christmas break!!!
It was a really nice year. We decorated our house and put up lights! We also went to a gingerbread house party with my Mom Tribe!

Before Jordan came back from Ft. Hood, San Antonio had a miraculous event happen: IT SNOWED! It's been 7 years since it has snowed and it ACTUALLY stuck to the ground! There were screams of delight, snowball fights, fireworks, and staying up late to have hot chocolate and watching the Grinch. It was spectacular, and Jordan completely missed it. :(

Olivia had her Winter dance recital and it was so fun watching her! She has enjoyed dance so much at Mary Lou's School of Dance, and all of the dancers worked their butts of to make it a grand performance! I'm so proud of my little dancer! 

Since Jordan had to work on Christmas day and the next couple days after, we decided to celebrate the holiday a day sooner. I made A TON of cookies over the holidays to take to neighbors and friends and I'm so glad I did. It's not Christmas without neighbor goodies plates! 

We invited some friends over for a Christmas Eve dinner and then went and saw Santa with them. We played games and did Christmas PJs and had a wonderful evening together. The next day was Sunday, so we woke up a little early and opened Christmas presents with the kids then went off to our Sunday service. The day was so nice because we got home and we were able to relax and not worry about all the Christmas craziness.

The next day, which was the REAL Christmas day, my friend Amanda and I took sugar cookies and cards to some of the pediatric patients at SAMMC hospital. Her husband had to work Christmas day too so we merged our families for the holidays and came up with a plan to serve others so we didn't feel so lonely without our husbands...and it worked like a charm! My heart was filled with gratitude on Christmas, for my healthy life, my healthy kiddos, my husband, and my Savior. We live in a wonderful world where people still have giving and loving hearts, and it was through these people, that I felt like I needed to get out and serve on Christmas day. I'm so inspired by those peoples' examples. We also got to Skype with Jordan's brother Riley, who is on a mission to the Belgium's/Netherlands, which was so awesome! It was good to see his face. For Christmas dinner we were invited over to our neighbors' Chuck and Donna Higgins! They have been such awesome neighbors and we feel so blessed to have them in our lives!

The day after Christmas it was a whole 'nother party, because Grandma and Grandpa Gisseman came into town and spoiled the kids rotten! They stayed for a week and while they stayed, they gave us the gift of an overnight couples stay to a bed and breakfast in Gonzales, TX! Jordan and I ate at a delicious Cuban restaurant, got pedicures (a first for him (and he liked it)), saw The Greatest Showman (A-freaking-MAZING), got dinner at a grill and bar called the Come and Take It Bar where they had delicious pizza, and went to a museum about Texas history. It was such a fun and much needed trip for Jordan and I, and I'm so grateful for Jordan's parents doing that for us.

We also went to eat yummy food at Thai Dee, saw the Zoo Lights, and celebrated New Years together with an excellent array of food. I'm betting you're no longer believing my first theory about how my weight magically appeared again.

Anywho, all good things must come to an end. The Gissemans went home. Jordan went back to work, and now Olivia is back at school. It was so nice having Jordan home for a solid six days during the holiday though. It was really a superb Christmas break and I couldn't be more grateful or satisfied.

Ohhh! I forgot to mention that we are now a minivan family! Because our other car was totaled, we had to find a new vehicle fast, and I feel totally blessed that we found a 2010 Honda Odyssey in Austin for a steal-of-a-deal! I love it! Yeah, vans aren't flashy, but they sure are comfortable and easy to handle with kids!

I guess my last news has to do with just me...Drum roll...brrrrrrr...."JOY TO THE WORLD"....lol, ok, ok, enough with the suspense. I am going back to school to get my Bachelors in nursing through an online school! Yay! I really am so excited. This has been a step I've always intended to take, but I wasn't sure when the timing would be right, and I'm happy to say that the time has come for me to take this next step in my career! In case you don't know, here's a few things about the nursing education process:You can become a nurse without a degree. It's called a Licensed Vocational Nurse or Licensed Practical Nurse in some states. You can work as a nurse, but you don't have a degree to back you and it's abbreviated LVN or LPN. You often can't work with high acuity patients as an LVN unless you receive special training, so if you want to work in higher levels of nursing, then it's best to get more education. My next step in the process was to get my Associates degree in nursing. This gained me the hallowed "Registered Nurse or RN" title and it gets me into doors that being an LVN wouldn't. Now the nursing world is pushing having your Bachelor's degree in nursing, which has been my goal all along. This would simply give me more education in the nursing field, make me a more competitive candidate at job interviews, and make me an all-around better nurse (according to what I've read). It's the logical and best next step for me and I'm really happy that the time has finally come. I'm so grateful to live in a world where technology can make these things easier and more accessible to people like me. I feel really blessed with my life and I have a lot to look forward to this year....

Oh, and I dyed my hair and put in a cool raspberry color and some frosty blonde! Have a happy 2018!