Thanksgiving and recovery

It definitely does not feel like Thanksgiving today with Olivia gone to her grandparents in Utah. She's having a blast though, especially since it snowed just for her! She ran outside screaming and yelling in excitement that it was snowing! I'm so thankful that she gets to spend the holiday with her grandparents, uncles, aunts, and cousins and I hope she realizes how loved she is! The choice to send her away to Utah happened so quickly! Jordan happened to mention jokingly that Olivia could go back with my parents on their drive and then all of a sudden it was a real, full-blown plan! After I realized that she was really leaving, I broke down and cried a few times. While taking care of Olivia can be exhausting due to her endless energy and incessant chattering, she had been my rock during the summer when Jordan was gone. She has the biggest heart and was comforting me before she left, telling me she would come back, which is exactly what she told me while her daddy was away for three months this summer. I'm constantly in awe at her maturity and ability to handle change. With the life we live, it is such a blessing to know how strong Olivia is! I'm so grateful for her and the joy she brings into our lives! She'll always be my first baby, but I am glad for the time we've had to just spend with Romney.

 It has been really hard adjusting to the lack of sleep since having Romney. He's two weeks and hasn't gained his birth weight back yet, so I'm still feeding him regularly through the night and now I've started pumping to help increase my supply. He seems to be healthy and he's generally a good baby, but I don't want him to fall behind. Breastfeeding is seriously one of the hardest things to learn, in my humble opinion. There's so many websites telling you what to do, books, doctors...it's exhausting just thinking about it. It's even worse when your baby wakes up wanting to nurse a whole hour sooner than you anticipated! Last night, more than half asleep myself and close to tears, I begged Romney to hurry and finish eating so I could go back to my bed and Jordan could take over. It's hard to not think dark thoughts during these hours of the night. Everyone says that this is just a phase, but part of me fears that I'm never going to get a good night's sleep again and I'll just be a zombie for the rest of my life. I'm re-learning how important naps are in my schedule and to let Jordan do more around the house, or to just let the housework slide all together some days. After all, I'm only two weeks postpartum after having an emergency C-section. My body is still healing and rest is so important right now. I don't need to worry about getting ready, or doing the dishes, or folding laundry. It's OK to just sit back and relax. Here's a picture of me, looking totally exhausted, but I am super happy to be this little guy's mommy!  

 I miss how easy it was to go on outings. It takes so much more planning now, and I've had to tell myself that it's OK if we miss out on something, especially right now. With Christmas around the corner, there's so many fun things I want to do, but I can see that I'm going to have choose carefully what things really matter. Going from one kid to two is definitely a hard transition, even with Olivia being as old and helpful as she is. My Aunt Colleen always said that THINGS TAKE TIME, especially if it's a good thing. It's just going to take some time to adjust and get used to this new life. Besides the exhaustion, I'm feeling pretty good. I can't wait to get cleared to work out again and start doing something for myself. I'm generally pretty happy and I'm so grateful for all the meals my ward has been bringing us, for my husband's help and kind words to boost my self-esteem, and for our parents for helping us so much with Olivia and coming to visit! I definitely feel loved and supported right now and I can't express my gratitude enough. Right now, I'm just grateful that I get to know this new, sweet spirit that Romney has brought into our home! He really is such a sweet baby and I think it's appropriate on Thanksgiving to say, "I'll eat you up, I love you so!"

   GOBBLE GOBBLE!