On being a TWIN! A tribute to Hannah

Some of you may be surprised to find out that I am a twin. Her name is Hannah. Something interesting about her from the get-go is that her name is a "palindrome" meaning it is says the same thing when read forward and backward. Something a little more interesting about her is that she has Cerebral Palsy and has been in a wheelchair for as long as I can remember. Growing up my earliest memories of Hannah are going to physical therapy with her. I remember when she got her wheelchair because I thought it was so neat! I never knew Hannah any different. As a child we were always together. I remember learning to push Hannah in her wheelchair before she had a power chair. I definitely remember tipping her over a couple of times, which I still feel bad about. I used to be able to pick her up and carry her around easily when we were younger and people would always tell me how strong and impressive I was. I liked that since I was so short and slight of frame. It feels odd now that for a large portion of my life Hannah was connected to me like an appendage. Hannah and Kayla: the twins. Growing up, being a twin was common knowledge, but now I find that I've failed to mention that part of my life and I have to backtrack and say, "Oh yeah, I'm a twin, didn't I tell you?" I mean, it's probably one of the most interesting things about me, and being the great conversationalist that I am, you'd think it would be the first thing out of my mouth. Being a twin has defined me in a lot of ways, but this blog post really isn't about me. It's about Hannah. Or, at least, that's who I want to focus on. As I said before, you can't really get Hannah without including me and vice versa. 

Things I know about Hannah:

·       She thinks she's hilarious and loves it when others suffer. For example, if she's beating me at Sorry, or I'm tripping over something, or my Dad happens to be tickling me way too hard, she will laugh hysterically. She really does revel in other people's suffering...or, at least, my suffering.

·       She has an infectious and loud laugh. In fact, I wouldn’t be surprised if she’d just read the first bullet point and had a good laugh about all of that (see, she loves it when others suffer). This bullet point makes me sad as I've realized I've not had a good laugh-fest with Hannah in some time. Hannah would start laughing about something and you couldn't help but join in until you'd been laughing a good five minutes and no longer knew what you were laughing about. If you know Hannah, then I am positive that you have had one good laugh-fest with her.

·       She loves Disney and movies. Her favorite Disney movie as a child was 101 Dalmatians. This love of movies has carried into her adult life and she works at a movie theater and still watches LOT OF MOVIES. Other childhood favorites are Fievel Goes West, Babe, Milo and Otis, and Homeward Bound.

·       Her favorite color is purple….and mine is pink.

·       She always had a chocolate cake with white frosting and I always had a white cake with chocolate frosting because my mom is awesome like that and made us both our own cake ;)

·       Hannah is a kind and friendly person. From my standpoint, Hannah would never want to harm anyone in any way. She has always challenged me to see the good in people and has brought out the good in others with her kind heart. She doesn’t discriminate. She loves everyone. If you are blessed to be one of Hannah’s friends, you should know that it is one of the best friendships you will ever have because Hannah is loyal to a fault.

·       She doesn’t get enough credit. All my life I grew up hearing what an angel Hannah was and sometimes I think I felt like if Hannah was the angel, then I must be the evil twin. Handing out compliments to a twin is dangerous if not given to both twins when they are both present. Anyway, I think hearing about how good Hannah was made me try really hard to find bad things about her so I could feel better about myself. I think I deluded myself into thinking that Hannah wasn’t all that and a bag of chips like everyone thought she was. But now I have to admit, that Hannah IS all that AND a bag of Cool Ranch chips. She’s pretty awesome and I’m grateful for the things I’ve learned in my life by being her sister.

When I said I think Hannah doesn’t get enough credit, it’s because I’ve seen time and time again people dismiss Hannah’s lifelong trial of being in a wheelchair because she’s always known life in a wheelchair, as though somehow it makes it easier for her to cope than someone who had a tragic accident. While I recognize that everyone’s trials are unique and difficult in their own way, I’ve seen firsthand how people have treated Hannah because she is in a wheelchair.

People assume that because she’s in a wheelchair that she is also dumb. I’ve heard people talking slowly to her or as if she were a baby. Luckily, that disappears pretty fast when those people have a full-blown conversation with her and realize she is a person with depth and character.

I’ve seen people make fun of her, children stare and wonder why she is different, people ignore her, exclude her (myself included), abuse her, and try to take advantage of her. My point in writing all of this isn’t to bring her down, but to tell you that although she doesn’t suffer from knowing what life was like when she could walk, that she does suffer on a daily basis because of her trial. In some ways, I think she feels like she’s expected to suffer in silence, because she’s been in a wheelchair her whole life. I mean, come on, aren’t you used to it yet Hannah? Of course she’s not. Who could get used to constantly being looked down on and considered less by others who don’t know you?

I read an article about a man who was paralyzed after skiing. I felt sorry for him, but I couldn’t help but think about Hannah as I read the article. This man was lucky enough to be married and have kids. Things Hannah may never get to experience. Yes, I felt for the guy, but I recognized that Hannah has suffered too. Suffered her whole life and risen above it day after day. Of course it’s not a contest about who endures their trials better, but I think Hannah does deserve some credit for how well she has endured hers.

She has watched all of her sisters make careers for themselves, move out of the house, and get married and have children. She has sat on the sideline as many of her friends have gotten married and has been there with a smile on her face. Through all of this though, she is still a faithful member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints and is currently serving a part-time mission. She leads her life assuming that all people are good and finds that good inside of them. She is constant and unwavering in her convictions of goodness in a world that would have her give in to despair for her plight.

No, Hannah isn’t perfect, but she’s a pretty darn good example of Christ-like traits that we should all possess. I have learned to look past peoples’ appearances because of her. I have learned a compassion for humans that I would never have learned if she hadn’t been in my life. I have learned to love to serve people. I was always told that Hannah was in our family because she was going to teach us so much. I think that’s true, but I think it’s especially true for me. Through Hannah, I have learned a lot about myself and I am better for it. I am so grateful that God gave me a twin and put me in this situation. I have had people ask me time and time again why I’m not in a wheelchair like Hannah. My short answer is that I don’t know. I have wrestled feelings of guilt that I’m normal and she’s not, but now I wouldn’t have it any other way. She needs this trial and I needed it too. Even now, I still feel a connection to Hannah unique from my other siblings. There is an invisible line attaching us and while we may become distant both emotionally and geographically, that line always pulls us back together when we need it to. The line allows us to learn and grow from each other even when we are across the country from each other.

So Hannah, because you don't complain, I’ll complain for you. I know your life hasn’t been everything you’d hoped or dreamed, but I know God has a path for you just like everyone else. In this, you are like every other child on earth. You are loved by our Creator and not forgotten. You are loved by me, your sister, and I truly want you to have a happy life. I’ll give you the credit you deserve and tell you that you are one absolutely amazing person. I could never have done what you have. I could never have rolled with your wheels, but I can recognize greatness when I see it and you are one of the greats. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.