Christmas time is here!

This year we opted to stay home in Texas for Christmas instead of going to Utah. It was a hard decision, but an ultimately necessary one to make. Travelling with a new baby is scary and I've had friends whose babies have gotten RSV, which is terrifying! We missed our extended family a lot, but it was really nice to get to start some of our own family traditions as a new family of four. We went to see houses decorated with lights in the River Oaks neighborhood and also Pecan Grove! Practically EVERY house in Pecan Grove had lights due to an annual light decorating contest they hold. We were blown away and it really filled us with the spirit of Christmas.

Jordan also surprised Olivia and me with tickets to see "The Nutcracker". It was so fun to get to see such an amazing show with Olivia and she really enjoyed it! I think it was especially nice for Olivia because she just started dance this year. It was so fun to get to spend some quality time with my girl! I really hope this a new tradition I can continue in years to come.
We saw Santa and frosted cookies with friends! Of course I had to make some cute cookies for neighbors and friends.

 We read a new Christmas book that I bought, "The Best Christmas Pageant Ever!" We all enjoyed it and I loved learning about Christ through the Herdman children's point of view. It really helped me appreciate the humble circumstances our Savior was born into. On Christmas Eve we continued one of Jordan's family traditions and went and saw a movie. Rogue One: A Star Wars story was our family pick, and we all enjoyed it, although Olivia prefers the movies with Luke Skywalker. Romney only fussed a little and overall I think it was a good experience. After that, we took the kids to the store and had them help pick out a gift for each other. Olivia picked out new clothes for Romney, since he's not quite big enough to play with toys. This was Olivia's choice and was in no way influenced by her parents. I love how practical she is! Romney needed a bit more help from mom and we ended up picking out a little live petshop bird in a cage that records your voice and sings and chirps songs. I imagine in the future that the gifts will be smaller and less expensive, but I think it was good for Olivia to get to pick out something for her brother and I can't wait to see how this evolves in years to come.
We had a Christmas Eve dinner with friends which was so lovely! We had ham, jello, rolls, cheesy potatoes, cinnamon glazed carrots, salad, and cheesecake...and Jordan's Oma's homemade eggnog. It was the least stressed out I've ever been in hosting a dinner! I liked how it was more simple and laid back. Lately when I've been with groups of people it drains me, but I really felt energetic and relaxed the whole time. I feel so blessed to have such fantastic friends in our lives! I'm quite sad that ALL of these friends are moving at the end of December and we won't get to see them as often, but we've all resolved to find ways to see each other again, and I know it will happen.
During the evening we had a small Nativity pageant of our own and sang a couple of Christmas carols. The kids had a lot of fun acting it out and I loved seeing Pierce as a donkey with his daughter Kam on his back as Mary. I also enjoyed the double Angel of the Lord part as Sawyer decided being an angel was more fun than being Joseph and jumped up to help Olivia out. His little sister Haylen decided to fill the roll as Joseph. So, while our Nativity wasn't very well organised or traditional, I think we all remembered in the end who Christmas is really about.
Before bed we had the kids open their traditional Christmas pajamas. I was worried Romney wouldn't fit into his 3 month footie pajamas, but he's been growing quite a bit and filled out his new pjs, although he wasn't very happy about being changed into them. Olivia fell asleep so fast with the threat of Santa skipping our house, that we almost wished Santa could come every night. With the kids fed and finally in bed, we started wrapping gifts from us to the kids and preparing for Santa to come. I made a breakfast casserole in the crockpot and finally got to bed around 1 am, which is pretty typical with Romney's feeding schedule.

 The next morning we woke up early, fed Romney and had to actually wake Olivia up! We let her open one present, which happened to be the Ninja Turtle she asked Santa for in her letter, and then had breakfast and hurried to get ready for church. I honestly was disappointed that Christmas was on Sunday this year because I was worried about how our morning would go with two kids, but Olivia was super patient and understanding about not opening gifts until after church. She was quite the saint! In fact, we were EARLY to church. It was a nice service and I really enjoyed the spirit it brought into our hearts. It wasn't easy to have church also on Christmas day, but a lot of people go to some kind of church service on Christmas day regardless if it is Sunday, and with the proper planning, I was able to change my heart to prepare to make Christ the center of our celebrations.

After we got home, we all changed back into our pajamas and let the present opening commence! Olivia was so thrilled about the barbie house she got from Santa and also the bike.  The bird from Romney was a hit as well! I made Jordan some surgery scrub caps that turned out really nicely. He was surprised that I had actually made them! I loved the jacket Jordan picked out for me and my illustrated Harry Potter book.We loved Skyping with our family and opening gifts with them, and although my mind mentally cringed at the mess we would have to clean up, I forced myself to relax and just enjoy Christmas and time together as a family. Clean-up could wait until tomorrow. It was really a wonderful Christmas and although it was different without our extended family, it was much easier to do Christmas in Texas and I loved being with my little family. I hope in years to come we can still make trips out to Utah, but Olivia finally got to wake up Christmas morning in her own bed and experience Santa visiting her house on Christmas day. I love the memories we've made as a family and the traditions we've began. From here on out, Christmas will never really be the same with Jordan being a doctor and most likely working a lot of Christmases, but I know we will always strive to make Christmas special for our family and it will always be memorable. As long as we remember that Christmas is about Jesus Christ, I truly believe we will never have a disappointing Christmas. We have been so blessed and I'm so grateful all I've been given. 

Merry Christmas! 

Lots of Ups!

This week has been so busy! I can't believe it's the week before Christmas Eve! Olivia had her final dance class of the semester and had a mini recital to show us what she's learned. The big thing she's working on is skipping. I was so proud of her when it came time for her to skip across the stage. She hasn't quite mastered skipping yet, but she took her time slowly and confidently to skip across the floor! Olivia is a hard worker and she doesn't get discouraged easily. I really hope that I can continue to nurture those qualities and that it will make her a stronger person throughout her life. I'm glad she has had so much fun with dance and I can't wait for the spring semester to start! 

Romney has also been working hard at gaining weight this last week. It's been rough having to get up in the middle of the night for scheduled feedings, but mine and Jordan's sacrifices paid off! Romney now weighs 9 lbs 2 oz, which is more than a pound of weight gain in a week. After talking to the lactation consultant who praised us for our efforts, we've decided that Romney will have to be supplemented along with breastfeeding. He just does not have a strong enough latch and it's such a weight off my shoulders knowing how we can now move forward. We've also decided we can start feeding him on demand again at night! Last night I actually got 7 hours of sleep! It's amazing how much better I feel! In addition to all of this, we're also going to try to get Romney in to see an ENT doctor to evaluate him for tongue and mouth issues with feeding. I was worried that my milk supply wouldn't go up anymore at this point, but early this morning I pumped and got little over 3 ounces of milk, which is almost double what I normally get! I've been taking Fenugreek and I'm not 100% sure that it's been helping, but I was beaming when I saw that full bottle of milk! It's a wonderful testament to all the hard work I've put in this last week. Romney has completely changed this last week thanks to a full tummy! He's so much happier and content and he's getting a lot more sleep. What more could a mommy ask? 

This morning after getting such a good night's rest, I felt like I should get up and work out instead of lying in bed just looking at my phone. I did twenty minutes of high intensity zumba and while I can't say that my body was completely ready for that, I can say that it has mentally cheered me up this morning! Technically I have less than a week until I'm 6 weeks postpartum and cleared for working out again, so I only kind of broke the rules a little bit. Anyway, I'm starting my new year's resolution early and getting back on the wagon to work out and eat right. 

This week we also took the kids (it makes me so happy to get to say "kids") to see Santa Claus at Bass Pro Shops. Romney got to wear Jordan's old Santa suit outfit and Olivia has been dying to tell Santa what she wants for Christmas for months! She sweetly asked him for a house for her barbies and then continued to ask Santa for a shirt and a cute pants for Romney. I think she was being realistic as she knows Romney can't play with toys yet. She's such a great big sister! It seriously warmed my heart seeing those two kids sit on Santa's lap. I am so grateful for my sweet family! If I had to give away all of my material possessions for my family, they would never equal what my family means to me. This Christmas, I will just be grateful to see my kids happy and healthy and to know that we get to be together forever through the atonement of Christ. I know I've been having a rough time lately, but I feel like we've made it through the worst part of it and I couldn't have done it without my family. The sacrifices we've made to have a family are hardly sacrifices at all when you look at all we get to enjoy in this life because of those sacrifices.

 

This season has been made especially sweet as I hold my son and think of the infant Jesus. I'm sure Mary looked into her precious Son's face and wondered what he would grow to become, not really realizing all that he would be, and he probably exceeded all of her wildest dreams. As a parent, I know this is true of all children. They are so much better than us and they most emulate the qualities that Jesus would have us all possess: gentleness, meekness, mildness, kindness, unbidden love. I'm so grateful to have such a special reminder about what this Christmas season is really about. A long time ago, a baby was born and placed in a manger, born in lowly circumstances. As the child grew to be a man, he became our Savior and atoned for our sins and died for each one of us so that we could all have the choice of living with Him again. While he may have been born in humble circumstances, he has risen to reveal his full glory as our God and King. I am thankful for my Savior, Jesus Christ, this Christmas season. 

Baby Blues and feelings of insanity

This is a bit of a deep subject, so I'll just dive right in...see what I did there? Depression runs in my family. I've never been diagnosed with depression, but there have been times when I think I've been close. I would not say now is one of those times necessarily, but I will say that I think I am more prone to severe mood changes and getting into depressive funks. Learning to breastfeed Romney has been a real challenge and something that makes me want to cry quite often. I'll be honest. On my worst days when I couldn't console him and I couldn't figure out how to fix his latch on my own and I was hardly sleeping, I had some very dark thoughts. I felt my kids would be better off without me. I felt like I couldn't give Romm what he needed. I was a failure. I'd constantly snap at Olivia and send her into tears and once again, I was a failure. Truly, how could I live with being their parent when I felt like utter crap? Without rest and my emotions all over the place, I was not in a good place. I'd imagine ways that I could let myself out of this life. thinking that I'd no longer have to feel this way and that my kids would no longer have such an incompetent mother. It was almost pleasurable thinking about it. Now don't freak out when you read this. Those were my darkest moments and I've gotten past them. I write these things down now, because I don't think I should avoid talking about it. My swim in those dark waters was short-lived and I was able to surface again. I think one thing helped me was talking to the lactation consultant. Seriously, I felt like this woman could read my heart. She was truly an angel in what she said to me and I felt like someone was really trying to help me and had listened. I wish I hadn't waited so long to go see her in the first place.
The other thing that helped was that I talked to Jordan. I told him how I was feeling and he listened and helped make life easier in those moments. I don't think I was ever close to ending my life. I knew I had so much to live for, but I will admit that for a time I felt like I'd be better off gone. I think a lot of people feel this way during moments in their lives, more than they'd care to say. I also think writing has helped me. Writing has reminded me that I can be creative and expressive and that these moments will pass and become just another page in my personal history book. I can look back on this later and think, "that was really hard, but I got through it."
I still feel moments of discouragement and slight insanity. It's hard to get a normal routine back. I feel like I'm in a tug-of-war with routine and I'm about to slip in the mud. My house isn't nearly as clean and tidy and I live only to do the laundry and dishes during my off time when I'm not feeding Romney. Jordan helps, but I'm a bit obsessive about having a clean house and I constantly feel like I should be doing more. Just planning a trip to the grocery store takes so much time and energy. I don't know how people manage to do it. I'm seriously considering paying for Kroger to do my grocery shopping for me and picking it up. It sounds like a dream right now! I'll have to discuss it with Jordan. Anyway, basically my life revolves around feeding Romney. I'm either nursing him, or pumping, or washing bottles, but when it comes to the rest of my life, there just isn't a lot of energy left.
I thought I'd be one of those people who bounces back fast and wants to go out right away, but I find myself feeling like it's just safer to stay indoors. It gives me headaches thinking about leaving the house for extended periods of time right now. All I can think about is when I have to feed Romney next so that he can grow and be a healthy boy. I'm a very social person and I love outings, but I find that when I go out, while I enjoy it, it drains me. I didn't realize how much energy it took to be social. I know things will get better and easier. Romney will start gaining weight and my supply WILL INCREASE and soon I won't feel a sense of impending doom when I start thinking about leaving the house.
Some positive things that happened this week: Romney has been sleeping since we started this new feeding routine! I look over at him sleeping in his swing and thank God that he isn't sleeping in my arms and that he isn't crying. Another positive thing is that I got to go see the Nutcracker with Olivia. I had mentioned to Jordan that I really wanted to take her, especially since she loves ballet right now, and he surprised us with tickets! I didn't even know where we were going until we got there. He set up my GPS to navigate us there. I'll tell you that I nearly gave myself an aneurysm trying to plan how long I'd be gone when I didn't know what I'd be doing and not wanting to ruin this new feeding schedule, but it was so worth it and I'm glad Jordan forced me to go out. It was so fun whispering to Olivia the story and what was happening and asking her what was her favorite dance. I was truly able to relax and enjoy it once I was there. The last awesome thing is that we finally went to church since Romney was born. We have 9 o' clock church and it is so difficult to give up those extra couple of hours of sleep in the morning so that I can get ready and we can be out the door on time, but it was so nice to go today and to know that it IS possible to get out the door and be even EARLY to church with this new life we have. I realized that I feel ready to serve in a calling again in my church as I don't have one right now. I feel like I'm ready to grow and be stretched by the Lord. It feels a bit like I'm just barely getting back on my feet again, but I think that the more normal things I add back into my life, the faster things will fall into place. I think it's a good that I'm ready to serve in my church as it feels like I can start giving of myself again. I haven't had a lot of "self" lately.
I want to thank those people that have expressed true concern for how I'm feeling and have allowed me to talk and have listened. I hope I can do that for someone else. Truly, I feel very blessed to have such caring individuals in my life and I feel surrounded by love.
There's still a lot of adjustments that we have to make with being a family of four. My emotions still aren't completely in check and I'm trying to keep my patience with Olivia. She's been so helpful (sometimes too helpful), but I'm realizing that using the IPad to entertain her isn't so bad and to let her be independent, but to also let her be little. I'm trying to be a kind wife to my husband and I hope he knows how much I appreciate all he's done for me. I know this life can be hard, but I'm so grateful for my family, both near and far, and my friends, who, with their acts of love, remind me how wonderful it is to live in this world.  

Nursing issues and Army Residency Match

Today I went to see a lactation consultant because I've been worried about Romney not being able to latch well. He falls asleep so quickly while nursing, which is often a sign of a poor latch, and he doesn't seem to be satisfied after nursing, often waking immediately after we're done and inconsolable unless he's feeding. I've had a hunch that he's starving and it turns out I was right. At four weeks old, he's only 7 lbs 14 oz, barely above his birth weight. The lactation consultant weighed Romm before and after nursing on each side and he'd only gotten about 1/2 oz on each side. My supply is going down, Romm isn't gaining weight, and I'm exhausted. The lactation consultant kept apologizing to me that I've been having such a hard time with the pain with nursing, Romm's constant crying, and my lack of sleep. I felt for the first time that someone actually was trying to understand what was going on and how I was feeling. I shouldn't have to be working so hard and getting so little out of it. People keep telling me, "Oh, the pain will eventually pass," or "he'll just get better at it," but I had this nagging feeling that things were NOT going to improve unless I did something more. So now I've got an elaborate plan made for this whole next week to help increase my milk supply and get Romney's weight up. Unfortunately, that means he'll have to have supplementation with formula, but I'll be nursing and bottle feeding him as much breast milk as I can. It's going to be a hard next week and I know I'll have to keep my head up and not get discouraged and then we'll reevaluate after this week with the lactation consultant. I feel really blessed to have a place like the Lactation Foundation so close to me. I'm not sure there was anything like this with Olivia and maybe I'll actually be able to nurse Romm longer because I'm getting the proper help. All I can do is eat right, try and get enough sleep, stay hydrated, and not get frustrated with myself or Romm. I feel so bad that he's been practically starving lately. I'd cry too if I never had a full tummy. Isn't he a cutie though?! 

Well, on to a more positive note, we found out where we matched in the Army for Jordan's OBGYN medical residency and we are going to be moving to......San Antonio, Texas! I'll admit we were disappointed because it wasn't our first choice. We would have liked the opportunity for some new scenery, but I am incredibly grateful that Jordan matched and that our move won't be too difficult. It's not as humid in San Antonio and there are a lot of fun things to do in that area. We've made so many good friends in Houston that I hope we will make the time to come back and visit while we have the chance. SAMMC hospital is one of the best Army hospitals out there and I think Jordan will learn a lot and have the opportunity to become a rockstar OBGYN. I don't know what our future holds, but I'm grateful I have my little family as we travel into the unknown together. I know God's hand is there, guiding us gently through this life, and I just have to have faith that this is where we're supposed to go for whatever reason. I am incredibly proud of Jordan for matching and I have to say, I'm proud of myself for getting through these last four years. They weren't easy, especially with me in nursing school and having another baby, but the lessons we've learned are worth the hardships! Now we've got to get through the next four residency years (which I've heard are even more grueling (shudder), but we can do it! Come graduation in the spring you can call my husband "Dr. Gisseman."

Until we move, I'm just going enjoy this precious time with my family before life gets crazy again.  

Thanksgiving and recovery

It definitely does not feel like Thanksgiving today with Olivia gone to her grandparents in Utah. She's having a blast though, especially since it snowed just for her! She ran outside screaming and yelling in excitement that it was snowing! I'm so thankful that she gets to spend the holiday with her grandparents, uncles, aunts, and cousins and I hope she realizes how loved she is! The choice to send her away to Utah happened so quickly! Jordan happened to mention jokingly that Olivia could go back with my parents on their drive and then all of a sudden it was a real, full-blown plan! After I realized that she was really leaving, I broke down and cried a few times. While taking care of Olivia can be exhausting due to her endless energy and incessant chattering, she had been my rock during the summer when Jordan was gone. She has the biggest heart and was comforting me before she left, telling me she would come back, which is exactly what she told me while her daddy was away for three months this summer. I'm constantly in awe at her maturity and ability to handle change. With the life we live, it is such a blessing to know how strong Olivia is! I'm so grateful for her and the joy she brings into our lives! She'll always be my first baby, but I am glad for the time we've had to just spend with Romney.

 It has been really hard adjusting to the lack of sleep since having Romney. He's two weeks and hasn't gained his birth weight back yet, so I'm still feeding him regularly through the night and now I've started pumping to help increase my supply. He seems to be healthy and he's generally a good baby, but I don't want him to fall behind. Breastfeeding is seriously one of the hardest things to learn, in my humble opinion. There's so many websites telling you what to do, books, doctors...it's exhausting just thinking about it. It's even worse when your baby wakes up wanting to nurse a whole hour sooner than you anticipated! Last night, more than half asleep myself and close to tears, I begged Romney to hurry and finish eating so I could go back to my bed and Jordan could take over. It's hard to not think dark thoughts during these hours of the night. Everyone says that this is just a phase, but part of me fears that I'm never going to get a good night's sleep again and I'll just be a zombie for the rest of my life. I'm re-learning how important naps are in my schedule and to let Jordan do more around the house, or to just let the housework slide all together some days. After all, I'm only two weeks postpartum after having an emergency C-section. My body is still healing and rest is so important right now. I don't need to worry about getting ready, or doing the dishes, or folding laundry. It's OK to just sit back and relax. Here's a picture of me, looking totally exhausted, but I am super happy to be this little guy's mommy!  

 I miss how easy it was to go on outings. It takes so much more planning now, and I've had to tell myself that it's OK if we miss out on something, especially right now. With Christmas around the corner, there's so many fun things I want to do, but I can see that I'm going to have choose carefully what things really matter. Going from one kid to two is definitely a hard transition, even with Olivia being as old and helpful as she is. My Aunt Colleen always said that THINGS TAKE TIME, especially if it's a good thing. It's just going to take some time to adjust and get used to this new life. Besides the exhaustion, I'm feeling pretty good. I can't wait to get cleared to work out again and start doing something for myself. I'm generally pretty happy and I'm so grateful for all the meals my ward has been bringing us, for my husband's help and kind words to boost my self-esteem, and for our parents for helping us so much with Olivia and coming to visit! I definitely feel loved and supported right now and I can't express my gratitude enough. Right now, I'm just grateful that I get to know this new, sweet spirit that Romney has brought into our home! He really is such a sweet baby and I think it's appropriate on Thanksgiving to say, "I'll eat you up, I love you so!"

   GOBBLE GOBBLE!

New blog title...Friends for the Weekend!

Choosing to join the Army for medical school has brought a lot of changes and opportunities to go to new places and meet new friends. We've had to learn how to quickly make a new place into a home. Sherwood wrote a song called the Town You Live In that talks about how we make choices to move around a lot and never fully rooted in one place. I feel that applies a lot to our family. It's going to be a long time before we are ever living somewhere permanently, but you can be our friend for the weekend! I don't mean we just want you as a friend for the weekend, but that although our time with you may be fleeting, we look forward to your companionship, no matter how short the time.

Romney's Birth Story

I woke up before 7 a.m. on November 9, 2016 after not getting a lot of sleep (it was the morning after the 2016 presidential election and Donald Trump had just become president-elect). I remember going to the bathroom and found that I had bloody show, which means I was having cervical changes and losing my mucus plug. I felt like I was having period cramps so I decided to take a hot bath. I remember sitting in the bathtub feeling a sense of peace about the day. I didn’t feel worried about the election and I had this feeling that my baby boy would soon be greeting us either today or tomorrow. My mom was flying in from Utah around 3 p.m., which was the same time as my 40 week doctor appointment and today was my due date. I had actually been scheduled to go in the next day, but my doctor had to move my appointment up a day. I was glad to know that my mom would most likely be here when he was born. We had a lot to do that morning and I got myself ready for the day and Olivia ready for school. For some reason I felt like I shouldn’t wear my contacts. Again I felt like baby boy would be coming soon and I knew I wouldn’t really need them today anyway since Jordan would do most of the driving around town. After Olivia went to school, Jordan and I cleaned up the house. I was having contractions on and off, but nothing regular and nothing very painful. I felt a lot of pressure down in my pelvis and I’d get these spasms suddenly that would make me have to stop what I was doing. Anyway, I was still having a LOT of discharge all day, but we carried on. We went to Target to get something for the baby, and then we went to Kohl’s to look at shoes for Jordan and buy some jeggings for me for after the baby was born, which I was able to buy for $15! Score! After that, we picked Olivia up from school and then hung out at home for a bit until I had to leave for my appointment.

It was a pretty normal day and I wasn’t anticipating much at my appointment. I knew it would be a quick one and then I’d leave to go see my mom, who would most likely be at my home by the time I was done. I was looking forward to taking her out to dinner for her upcoming birthday. When I got to my appointment I was informed that Dr. Wiener was running late in a surgery. They brought me back to an exam room and I waited a while for her. By the time she got there it was close to 4 p.m. I told her about my bloody show and she had me lie back to check me. She told me that she saw some fluid and decided to check it to see if it was amniotic fluid. She asked me if I had noticed any leaking throughout the day and I told her no, besides the bloody show. I had had nothing that resembled amniotic fluid. When she checked me, I was surprised to find that it was indeed amniotic fluid and that I was dilated to a three. Suddenly, as I was still lying down, there was a sudden gush of fluid and my water completely broke. She told me that she was concerned that there was meconium in the amniotic fluid (the baby’s first poop) and that there was more blood than she would have expected. I wasn’t too worried at the time; I was more excited that I had actually gone into labor on my own! Dr. Wiener told me that I should head to labor and delivery and so I got dressed and headed out of the room, already on the phone with Jordan while the nurse was trying to tell me what to do. I was excited as I called Jordan on the phone to tell him that my water had broken and that he and my mom (who was already at the apartment) were to meet me at the hospital. I remember telling the nurse that I had parked in the garage and I didn’t want to have to pay more. I suggested running home real quick to take the car back and Jordan bringing me back. I guess I wasn’t thinking very clearly at the moment because the nurse told me she didn’t think the doctor would want that and also reminded me that traffic would be terrible at this hour. So I headed to the triage floor and checked myself in and waited for my mom and Jordan to show up.

They finally got to the hospital and the nurse moved me to labor and delivery. I knew I probably had a long wait ahead of me. My contractions still weren’t painful, but they felt like spasms down in my bladder. I’d get a whole bunch of contractions on top of each other and then they’d stop for a few minutes before I’d get another. They were close together, but still irregular and not at all what I expected. The nurse had to give me antibiotics which burned my arm and I remember shivering and the nurse giving me an ice pack to put on my arm, which actually helped relieve the burning sensation. Dr. Espana (the on-call doctor) came in and told me the baby was having a late deceleration. Jordan later told me that the late deceleration lasted for five minutes and the baby’s heart rate went way down. Basically, baby didn’t seem to be too happy in my womb anymore. Dr. Espana wanted to continue to watch me, but he warned me if there were more decelerations then we would have to call it and I’d need a C-section. I told my mom and Jordan to leave to go get food. They weren’t gone long before the resident came in and told me I was having more late decelerations and that it was time to call it. I wasn’t scared when they told me. I knew that my baby needed to get out quickly and I felt at peace with this decision. I still needed to get an epidural so there was time to call Jordan back. First the resident tried to get ahold of him with no luck and then I got ahold of him while they were wheeling me to the operating room. I hardly had time to give him directions before they demanded my phone.

The nurses and all the staff introduced themselves and were so nice. The nurse helped me get through getting an epidural and the anesthesiologist held my hand and comforted me as they began operating on me. I remember it feeling like it took forever to get Jordan there. I wasn’t scared without him, but I desperately needed him by my side to comfort me and assure me everything was ok. He got there and helped me through the uncomfortable sensation of the tugging and pulling. Finally, after an eternity, Jordan told me they were pulling baby out and I heard my son cry for the first time. The whole operation took three minutes from the time they started cutting me open to when they pulled him out. Jordan and I looked at each other and we both cried as we were overcome by the spiritual aspects of his birth and hearing the sound of his cry. He was here! Jordan stayed by my side and I got to hold Romney on my chest while they sewed me back up. I couldn’t withstand the awful sensation for long though and I had to tell Jordan to take Romney away as I was feeling sick. The operation was over quickly and soon I was heading back to my room. It had been four hours from the time my water broke until Romney was born. I never imagined that all of this would happen this way. I feel like it was a perfect storm of events that led to this and I feel no sorrow that I didn’t get my VBAC. I’m so grateful my son is here safe and healthy and that I lived through it as well. It turns out that I had a placental abruption (my placenta was tearing away from the wall of the uterus) and I could have bled out or the baby could have died from oxygen insufficiency. Thank goodness for modern medicine!

            The rest of the evening was a blur. I was on morphine and I kept fading in and out. Jordan or my mom would be talking to me and suddenly I’d just fall asleep or black out. I was sick for the first twelve hours after the surgery and couldn’t keep a thing down, not even ice chips. I remember the nurse coming in several times and telling me that my urine was too concentrated and that I needed more fluids. Every time I’d try to feed the baby I’d have to stop to throw up. It was a rough night. The next day I was able to eat some strawberry jello and it tasted amazing! It was so nice to keep something in my stomach. Romney weighed 7 lbs 13 oz, was 20.5 inches in length, and had an APGAR of 8 and 9! After the first night, everything else went pretty smoothly. Olivia came to see me with my mom the next day after I was feeling better. It was like watching two angels meeting for the first time on Earth after being friends in Heaven. Olivia was so sweet with Romney and seemed to know exactly what her role would be from now on. I can’t wait to watch them grow up! Some things about my stay I’d rather forget (or not mention), but the food was great and Jordan stayed with me every night at the hospital because I was a big baby and started having a panic attack after being alone for a little while. I’m recovering well and Romney is doing great! Looking back now, I know Heavenly Father prepared me for what was going to happen. Things couldn’t have worked out any better and I’m just so grateful we’re safe. If my appointment hadn’t been changed and if my water hadn’t broken at the hospital, things may have gone in a much worse direction. I’m not sure both Romney and I would be here. I’m so grateful to the medical staff at the Pavilion for Women who took such great care of me and for my family and friends who helped us get through the craziness of Romney’s birth. I’m so excited he’s finally here and we get to start our lives together.  

Ch..Ch..Ch..Changes!

Anyone else here watch Seventh Heaven growing up? I don't know why, but as I was considering a title for this blog post this little line popped into my head from one of the episodes of Seventh Heaven. Sometimes it feels like nothing is changing in our lives and other times, like now, there's so many changes happening at once, you wonder how you'll get through it all.
I'm nearly 16 weeks pregnant with our second child, a boy, and I'm agonizing over what to call him. With Olivia, it was so easy to pick a name. We knew almost instantly after we found out that she was a girl that we would call her Olivia. With this baby, I look at so many names and nothing stands out to me or excites me that much. I don't know what it is, but it seriously bums me out. I really want to pick a name that I love! Maybe my expectations are too high...I guess as long as we have a name picked by the time he's born that will be ok, but I do feel a little frustrated that it seems like nothing fits, like he's not really apart of our family yet. I'll just have to comfort myself with the fact that there is still lots of time to find the right name for this kiddo.
Perhaps the real reason I'm agonizing over picking his name is because I know Jordan will be gone for two and a half months this summer doing Army officer training and an away rotation in Tacoma, WA. We've been apart for nearly a month before, but being pregnant and having a preschooler to chase around in the hot Texas summer heat for two and a half months seems a little daunting. Olivia loves her dad so much and it will break my heart to watch her cry for him. I knew that being an Army wife would be filled with absences and time apart and I told myself I could do it, but I didn't really factor in how it would affect my children. The only way we're going to get through this and every other time Jordan will have to leave us is for me to be strong. I'm lucky I have an amazing group of friends I can lean on and that there is so much to do in Houston. What gets me down is thinking about how pregnant I'll be when Jordan gets back. I'll only have about ten weeks left in my pregnancy and I'll have to go to every doctor visit by myself. Ugh, sorry, now I feel like I'm complaining. I know I need to think positive and just take it one day at a time, but I sure am going to miss Jordan.
Another change in my life is I recently graduated from college and I now have my Associate's Degree and I'm a Registered Nurse! Technically I still have to take the NCLEX and become licensed in the great country of Texas, but after all I've been through with school, the NCLEX feels like a welcome breeze. I seriously hope I'm not tempting fate right now, but I'm so happy this chapter of my life is over. I'm looking forward to being able to spend more time with Olivia and getting back to our usual activities, like cleaning, working out, going to the library, the Houston Zoo, the Children's museum and so many other awesome things! I'm especially looking forward to getting back to reading for fun. I've already read two books since being out of school: Me Before You by JoJo Moyes and Big Little Lies by Liane Moriarty. I couldn't put either book down although they were vastly different from each other. I also can't wait to get back to writing for fun. I've had some book ideas sitting on the shelf in my head and I can finally dust them off and get myself back in the writing zone.
So, while there are many changes happening in my life and sometimes I feel like I could be swallowed up whole by the complexity of it all and the myriad of emotions I running through my mind (pregnancy is definitely making me a little weepy), I know that change can be good, even desired. Right now, I'm just praying that Heavenly Father can get me through all of this in one piece and that we will all be stronger for it. In fact, I know we will be stronger!