A Serving Heart

I've never been blessed with a giant heart that leaps at every opportunity to serve. I'm quite the opposite and I often feel someone could do it better than I could or even worse, that I've got too much going on, so someone else will fill in. Today I had a few opportunities to serve and brighten someone else's heart, and in doing so, my heart was brightened. The first person I served, I did it on a whim. She had been feeling down about a huge life change, and I thought she could use some cheering up with some yummy treats. She was grateful and I was happy give her a little joy. The next person I served, I didn't get to see his face when he received the plate of cookies I left for him in return for helping me during a tight spot with my one year old, but I did get to see him right before. I felt an almost joyous, sneaky feeling, like I knew he would be happy about his surprise. I left with a huge grin on my face, glad I had taken the time to make this service opportunity happen. The next person we served was something Olivia and I did together. It wasn't my idea, but I decided to follow up on this opportunity. Together, we helped a little boy add a little more joy to his Christmas. Olivia even offered up her own dollar bill to send to this boy without any prompting from me. My heart couldn't be more to bursting.
I don't want to write about these things to boast of the good deeds I've done. I want to write these things so I remember how good it felt to serve others; to stop thinking about me for a day and to do something. There was a quote from this last LDS conference by Jose L. Alonso that says, "what many of us need to do is leave our mobile devices behind and, with our hands and feet, help others in great need. Love without service is like faith without works; it’s dead indeed."
Another quote from the Christmas Devotional given by Sister Cristina Franco says, "The Christmas season, let us all give the best gifts; let us sacrifice our grateful hearts, with grateful hearts our best toys; not the ones we’ve worn out. And let us give the gift of love, the gift of service to those around us..."
Another quote from a talk from this last General Conference by Elder Stanley G. Ellis says, "Sacrifice, by definition, involves giving up something desirable. With experience we realize it is a small price to pay in relation to the blessings that follow. Under the direction of Joseph Smith, it was said that 'a religion that does not require the sacrifice of all things never has power sufficient to produce the faith necessary unto life and salvation.'"
From these quotes we learn much about service. Mosiah 2:17 from the Book of Mormon says, "when ye are in the service of your fellow beings ye are only in the service of your God."
In the New Testament in Matthew 25:40 it says, "Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me."
And lastly, in Moroni 7: 46-48 "Wherefore, my beloved brethren, if ye have not charity, ye are nothing, for charity never faileth. Wherefore, cleave unto charity, which is the greatest of all, for all things must fail— But charity is the pure love of Christ, and it endureth forever; and whoso is found possessed of it at the last day, it shall be well with him. Wherefore, my beloved brethren, pray unto the Father with all the energy of heart, that ye may be filled with this love, which he hath bestowed upon all who are true followers of his Son, Jesus Christ; that ye may become the sons of God; that when he shall appear we shall be like him, for we shall see him as he is; that we may have this hope; that we may be purified even as he is pure. Amen."
What I learned from these quotes is that service, when done in the right way, can help us to develop that pure love of Christ. I've also learned that service should be a little hard. We may have a giving heart that leaps at being called on, but it doesn't always mean that giving is easy. Others, like me, may find it hard to serve at all. There are always excuses to be made and a little digging in of my heels, but I will say that when I serve with a loving intent, that I feel good. It may hurt a little to go against my nature, and sometimes it may hurt a lot to give up something of mine that I felt was solely meant for me, (like my time), but I am better off for it.
I don't want to allude to the thought that I only serve because I get warm fuzzies out of it. In fact, it is the opposite. I'm happy to get nothing at all in return; if I've done my service with real love in my heart, then I'm happy because I've gotten to make someone else happy.
And sometimes I don't always feel happy. Sometimes I turn around, and the trial in my own life is still waiting for me. Sometimes I feel that maybe I gave too much, or not enough. Sometimes I wonder if that person really appreciated what I did, but that's going away from the point. For that moment, I felt a smidgen of what pure love feels like. For a brief instant, I forgot about myself, my worries, my burdens. For a solid second, I didn't over-analyze the situation or try to guess what another person was thinking. I just did. I moved my feet and walked, I stretched out my hands and helped.
From these quotes I've learned that service is an action and it must be fueled by love, and if it is done with love, then we become helpers in spreading the joy that Christ professes to give to the whole earth.
In Mosiah 18: 8-11 it says "...as ye are desirous to come into the fold of God, and to be called his people, and are willing to bear one another’s burdens, that they may be light;Yea, and are willing to mourn with those that mourn; yea, and comfort those that stand in need of comfort, and to stand as witnesses of God at all times and in all things, and in all places that ye may be in, even until death, that ye may be redeemed of God, and be numbered with those of the first resurrection, that ye may have eternal life— Now I say unto you, if this be the desire of your hearts, what have you against being baptized in the name of the Lord, as a witness before him that ye have entered into a covenant with him, that ye will serve him and keep his commandments, that he may pour out his Spirit more abundantly upon you? And now when the people had heard these words, they clapped their hands for joy, and exclaimed: This is the desire of our hearts."
As I read this story, about the people of Alma desiring to be baptized as members of Christ's church, they are promising to serve their brethren and love them. I can think of no better way of expressing their joy at being able to serve and to be counted as members of the fold of God than that last line, "they clapped their hands for joy." I love it that this story didn't start out with, if you want eternal life then you should comfort those and mourn with them and do this and do that....No, the people of Alma were already doing these things. They already were desirous to become part of the fold of God. They already were bearing one another's burdens and mourning with those that mourn. They only needed that one step of baptism to truly become members of Christ church in word, but in deed, they already were members of Christ's church. They were already worthy to become members because they possessed this pure love of Christ that Moroni speaks so fervently of. Of course, they wanted the blessings of eternal life, which is why they were baptized, but their worthiness was proved by their actions. After they were baptized, they were promised that Christ would "pour out his Spirit more abundantly upon you," not so that they could receive more blessings, although that is a natural consequence, but so that they could more effectively serve the sons and daughters of God walking upon this Earth, and thereby serve their Lord and Master.
So often, I think I've got this service thing backwards. I think, what's in it for me? What am I giving up? Sister Bonnie L. Oscarson said, quoting loosely, "Instead of going to church and asking 'what am I getting out of this today, ask WHO NEEDS ME TODAY?'” Look around or right in front of you and not on your screen and find someone to serve."
I should be more like the people of Alma and just do it. If I am truly a daughter of God and desire that He knows it, then I should show him by serving.
The flip-side of the coin, is that sometimes we are the ones being served. Right now, I've been in a position where I feel I am constantly asking for help. I feel like I am bbeing a burden by asking so often. My neighbor explained to me tonight, that she enjoys helping us, and for her it's not a burden, even if I perceive it as one. As to feeling like I've been asking for a lot of help, she reminded me that I've given a lot of help. I've paid up and it's time to collect some help for myself. I can reinvest myself into someone else when I've got the "money" to share.
I don't know, maybe my thoughts are all over the place because It's past midnight and I'm up attempting to share these thoughts in a meaningful way. I guess my point in writing all this, is that even though I may not always have the most willing heart, that I am still learning to have that kind of heart. President Uchtdorf said in the Christmas devotional, "We may not be able to develop a fullness of divine love in this life, but we should never stop trying." I'm not going to stop trying.
Each time I serve, whether my heart is happy or slow to react, I get a little better at it. I catch glimpses of what it means to love as Christ loves. I feel joy and rejoice with my fellow men. I desire to do good. Psalms 37: 3-5 says, "Trust in the Lord, and do good; so shalt thou dwell in the land, and verily thou shalt be fed. Delight thyself also in the Lord; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart. Commit thy way unto the Lord; trust also in him; and he shall bring it to pass." If we do good, we will be blessed. Furthermore, if we delight in service to the Lord, we will receive the desires of our heart. I hope I can become more like Him, and I hope I can help those around me, as I have been served by so many close to me. I truly want a heart that delights in service at every opportunity, even if it is a hard thing asked of me. I am so filled with gratitude today for those who have helped me, for the opportunities I've had to serve, and for my Savior, who fills my heart with joy and gladness. 

Thanksgiving Weekend in Ft. Hood

I was just saying the other day that November has been the fastest month of my life and probably not for the best of reasons. After Romney got Hand, Foot and Mouth, he then got a stomach bug, and then a double ear infection. He has literally been jumping from one sickness to the next. I'm just so grateful that Olivia has been healthy and I've, for the most part, been healthy as well. Jordan is still on TDY (temorary duty yonder) at Ft. Hood and we've got just a couple weeks left of that, hallelujah! We are so sick of having to say goodbye and none of us can wait til we are all back in the same house again for a good long time! On top of all of this, Jordan graciously came home one weekend to help me out with Romney because he's been so sick, and we ended up getting in a head to head collision with another car that has totaled my car and I now have some whiplash that I'm dealing with. Luckily and blessedly, Jordan and the kids were not hurt one bit.

It's been one of those months where I have seriously contemplated running away. I've had to deal with a sick kid pretty much on my own nonstop for the last month, take care of our house, two birthdays to plan, make sure Olivia keeps up with school, people visiting from out of town, and now losing my car. It has been a heavy load to bear.

I am blessed with many people in my life who I've been able to turn to and rely on for extra strength during these hard times, and I'm not trying to complain here. I guess what I'm saying is that I have a lot of reasons for running away, and in a sense, I kind of did.

For Thanksgiving this year we went to visit Jordan in Ft. Hood and stayed at his hotel. My cousins, who are about 8 years ahead of us in the military medical training life, also live there and so we shared a Texas BBQ Thanksgiving dinner with them on Wednesday night, since my cousin was on call. Olivia loved spending time with her cousins and this Thanksgiving has made me recognize what a treasure my family is. Normally I get really hung up on what kind of food we're eating or what activities we are doing, but this holiday I was just so grateful to be spending the time with my family.

Although I didn't actually run away from home, it was nice to get away from everything and just focus on the holiday and have some time to breathe. On Thanksgiving day we went and saw the movie Wonder and then went to Golden Corral. The movie was really well done, but Golden Corral was a bit of a mess. The food was just fine, but we wandered around for ten minutes trying to find seats and then Romney practically cried and threw a tantrum the whole time. I don't think any of us really relaxed and enjoyed our meal. That night we watched Wonder Woman in our hotel room, which was hard because Romney was having a hard time sleeping in a one bedroom hotel room, and Olivia kept talking. Finally we put Romney in the closet and he fell right to sleep.
We went hiking with my cousins while Jordan worked a 24-hour shift and hung out with them the rest of that day. I'm super grateful for my cousins always being willing to let us come over and being so welcoming. We had such a fun time with them and while this Thanksgiving was very different from any others I've had, my family made it so worth it.

Pumpkin Pie 

Banana Cream Pie

Romney loved Teddy and Teddy loved Romney! 

Our last night together at Ft. Hood we went to BLORA park and drove through their outdoor light exhibit! You can tune your radio to a certain station and listen to Christmas music and it totally put me in the mood for Christmas. 

This mad man let Olivia drive!

Our last activity together was to go to Topsey Ranch safari, where we got to feed animals from our car and visit their petting zoo. We saw buffalo, Texas longhorns, zebra, a camel, llamas, goats, deer, impala, and emu and ostriches. One emu actually attacked Olivia's finger when she was trying to feed it, thinking Olivia's hand was food. She was pretty scared after that and every time we saw an emu, we closed our windows and drove past real quick! The ostriches were also really mean and would try peck at the cars and run after us. It was a crazy last adventure together, but overall fun and Olivia loves telling her emu attack story. 

Goat poop EVERYWHERE! 

But so cute! 

That brown goat was super aggressive and would climb right up on you to get food

So slobbery! 

Driving away from the crazy ostrich

This llama was quite offended that I ran out of food and refused to let me pet it.

Camels are really tall. 

So I drove back home and come to find out our lives were there waiting for us. It's nice to be home and we are looking forward to celebrating Christmas, but most of all I'm looking forward to my family being together again. I have a lot to be thankful for. Through trials we are stretched and learn to grow, through families we learn to love, and through good times we learn to enjoy life and make the most of what we have. 

Romney's First Birthday!

Romney is one! How the days have flown by and how fitting this quote from Peter Pan is that I stole from my sister, "Little boys should never be sent to bed, they always wake up a day older." I couldn't agree more! There are times when bedtime is the worst because I reflect on the day we've had and regret having to let go of my sweet baby a little bit more. I wish I could pick him up without waking him and hold on a little more to this stage of life. Already Romney longs to be independent! He's been walking since 11 months and clearly has his own agenda. He's happy to be with us, but likes playing with his toys and exploring our house. Although he can't always express what he wants, I can tell he longs to make his own choices and be his own master. He doesn't want me telling him what to do! Despite this independent streak, he loves cuddling with me on the couch and loves it even more when we tickle him! He enjoys being chased and playing games, and he is learning more words. Today he learned how to say "uh-oh". His favorite words are da-da, night-night, no-no, and hi. He is the happiest in the morning when I get him up for the day and the grumpiest after his afternoon nap. He's always been willing to go to bed and we've never had any issues with sleep, just like his sister.

I remember life without Romney, and it was a good one. Olivia could have been an only child and we still would have been happy, but now we have more with Romney, and I'm so grateful for that! I love the relationship Olivia and Romney share, I love the growth I have felt in my own heart for both of my children and my husband. Each of these children and relationships teaches us something and I am so grateful for what my children are teaching me, for what I have because of them, and what I can offer them in return. 

Olivia helped me decide on a Cookie Monster theme for Romney's first birthday party and we ran with the idea! My mom was able to come into town and I swear the cake would not have turned out as cute as it did without her. She made the frosting and instructed me on what to do and I'm so grateful for her willingness to come out and take part in Romm's special day. 

In the morning before the party, we had a mini pre-birthday photo shoot: 

I made Jordan stand guard so Romney wouldn't smash the cake before his actual birthday had started! 

Our friends arrived and after the babies played for a bit, we opened presents! Romney was spoiled by his family and his friends loved helping him open his gifts. 

I'm never sure who has more fun the babies or the dads....

Next it was time for cake...........

Olivia no doubt giving her brother some wise cake-eating advice

He loved the eyeballs! 

Getting past that frosting was rough! 

All messy and ready for a bath! 

Thank you to everyone who came and wished Romney a happy birthday! He's such a joy to be around and we love having him in our family! One thing I've learned from being a parent, is that there is such joy in watching your children learn and grow and becoming good people. I would argue that you can never really know someone completely, but our goal in life is to do everything we can to develop those relationships and learn as much as possible about those people in our family and close circles. I love getting to know Romney. Every day he changes and learns a little more and every day I'm discovering something new about his personality. I love every minute of it, the good and the bad, although it's mostly good. This boy is worth celebrating! Happy First Birthday Romney!