That's All Folks! Last postpartum check-up

Today I had my last check-up after having Romney! It marks the end of a wonderful pregnancy, to an emergency c-section, and a pretty easy physical recovery. I've truly been blessed this time around and I'm so thankful to be this boy's mama! 

I'm especially grateful to my awesome OBGYN Dr. Codi Wiener, who was super supportive of my attempt to have a VBAC and was so knowledgeable, kind, and attentive. I am also super grateful for Dr. Espana, who delivered Romney and got us both through the surgery safely. What would this world do without good doctors??? It was bittersweet saying farewell to my wonderful OBGYN and the staff at Women's Specialists of Houston. I hope I can find another doctor in San Antonio who I love just as much. It's so hard to move around and have to find new, great doctors wherever we go. I still miss my pediatrician back in Orem, UT. They had wonderful hours and great care! I miss it so much!!! It's just not the same here in Houston. 

Jordan recently went back to school/work and while the transition hasn't been too difficult, I am finding out that having two kids does take a lot more work and time. I'm realizing that I can't fit so much into my schedule and that it takes double the amount of time to get out the door. Pumping and bottle-feeding takes up a lot of my in-between time and lately I feel like I'm running from one place to the next, only stopping to quickly shove food in my mouth and a bottle in Romm's.

Luckily, as survival of the fittest is proving to be a real occurrence, Olivia has learned to make her own Eggo waffles in the toaster (with supervision) and also toast with butter...lots and LOTS OF BUTTER. She has also learned to buckle herself into her carseat (don't worry, I'll definitely be checking her buckles every time...I just hope she doesn't learn to unbuckle herself while driving). While the mother bird takes care of the hatch-ling, the older baby bird must learn to fend for itself in the wild or face ravenous hunger...

But truly, having another baby in the house has forced Olivia to grow up in some ways. She has gracefully relinquished her title as the baby of the family and has really blossomed into a beautiful big sister. It is so fun to see how caring she can be with him. She is always grabbing him blankets and toys and wants to love on him all day.  

We have learned that Romm LOVES soft things! He loves to nuzzle into soft stuffed animals and blankies and he loves to put them in his mouth and suck on them. He is babbling a lot more and I think he's getting close to laughing! I was having so much fun playing with him the other night while Jordan and I were working on a project, that I kept getting distracted. Can you blame me though?! How am I supposed to concentrate when he's smiling and talking to me?! 

Anyway, I really am constantly learning about how to be a mom of two and how to do a lot of it on my own, since Jordan is basically going to disappear once residency starts. I'm getting a taste of that now that he's back at work. Jordan still wakes up with Romney when he cries during the night and feeds him. He is wonderful at playing with Olivia and he is a super fun daddy. Today during my appointment Jordan and I happened to be at the same hospital, so Romney and I popped up to see him while he was having lunch after my appointment. He held Romm the whole time and we were sad to have to say goodbye. 

While we are still here in Houston, we are trying to enjoy the things we love like the Children's Museum. Olivia loves to paint her face here and she gets the most expressive looks on her face. I can't help but laugh at her personality. She's pretty darn cute. 

I go walk around the zoo with friends some days and I'm back at the YMCA working out again! Soon everything will be changing again just when I feel like I've got the hang of life again, but it's ok. I'm getting used to changes.     

  

2 month check up, Stake Conference, and other shenanigans

So first off, Romney had his two month check up today! He weighed 11 lbs 6 oz and he's a perfectly healthy baby. I'm so thrilled to see that he's gaining weight. He's had a bit of cradle cap and a clogged tear duct, but otherwise, he's pretty happy...except when he's getting his vaccines. I nearly cried myself. I can give shots to other people just fine and I'm a champ at getting them myself, but when it comes to my own children, it really tugs at my heart to see them in any sort of pain. I know it's for the best, but my poor little baby! Last night I let him taste some popcorn (just a taste, no judging!), and he pulled his lips back and kept smacking them. Now he's learned how to smack his lips and keeps doing it. Watching a baby learn even the smallest facial skills is so much fun! I could literally watch him all day. He is really starting to use his voice now and be interested in his hands and toys. On our drive to the doctor I kept hearing him talk in the back and I could tell he was staring at his little jingle giraffe toy that hangs on his seat. It was so fun to hear him! He continued being fascinated by the toy in the doctor's office and actually hit it with his hand to mine and his surprise. He's also got impressively strong head and neck muscles. I'll put him on my shoulder and I swear I should be wearing a face mask because he will totally whack me in the face with his noggin with the force of his movements. He can also hold his head up for over three minutes. I'm raising a super baby!

This is him before the shots. He also has a hemangioma, AKA a stork bite, but isn't he cute?! It's no wonder that there are less pictures of just your second child though, because it isn't worth the fight with your older child to leave them out of the picture haha! Olivia always wants to be in pictures with Romney. She loves cuddling up next to him and hugging him and playing with him. She's as enamored as we are.

Olivia has been really excited about going on a camping trip with Jordan. For Christmas I helped her pick out a fishing pole for her dad and I got her one too because I knew they were going to go camping. Jordan helped her string her pole and taught her how to cast. I wish I had that picture to post on here, but I'll make sure to put it on the next post. She's pretty good at casting! Jordan and I have felt like she needs some special one-on-one time. While she has been an amazing big sister to Romney and is so filled with love, she's also become extremely sensitive and we've had a hard time dealing with her emotions. She's been having tantrums about the smallest things. Anytime she bursts into tears over something small, we now tell her to stop and FREEZE, and then have her count to ten. I found this advice online and it has really helps her to collect herself so we can discuss calmly what the problem is and how to take care of it and how to control her emotions. I hope this little tool keeps helping.
Olivia is also very creative. She colors all the time, writes her name and is constantly wanting to send cards to people. She has recently learned to write "ROMM, MOM, DAD, LOVE" and probably a whole bunch of other words that I had no idea she could write. It makes me happy that she is learning so much at school, because I know I haven't worked that hard on writing with her. Thanks Miss Keisha!!! I'm sure she does learn a lot at school, but Olivia is also very motivated on her own to practice writing. Miss Keisha sent a homework packet home for the holiday and Olivia loved working on it. I hope her desire to learn and to work hard never leaves! You'll go far kid!

I also wanted to mention some things I learned from Stake Conference. I am ashamed to admit that I don't remember the last time I went to Stake Conference. It's a special two hour church meeting comprising of an adult session on Saturday and a Sunday session in the morning. A "stake" is a larger region that is comprised of "wards", which are smaller regions. On a normal Sunday, I would go to the ward assigned to me based off of where I live. During stake conference all of the wards gather together to hear from the Stake President and other leaders to hear about special topics. I'm sure a lot of parents can attest to how hard it is to take your kids to a two hour church meeting where they have to sit there the whole time. This year Jordan and I decided that I would go to the evening adult session and Jordan would go to the Sunday morning session so we didn't have to take the kids. We both wrote down what was talked about and reported back to each other. The three things that stood out to me the most were: Temple work, Strengthening and protecting the family by using the gospel of Jesus Christ, and Keeping the Sabbath Day holy. 

I guess Jordan and I have a lot to improve on this new year because we've now resolved to go to the temple once a month either together or separate. It's hard getting to the temple, but we will make it work. 

Strengthening my family has been something I've been contemplating for some time now. I was told by the Stake President during his talk, that if we want to protect ourselves from evil, we need to attend the temple. I was also reminded of the importance of scripture study and family prayer. This year we have been reading the Book of Mormon together as a family and I CANNOT believe how much Olivia understands from our reading. We do have to explain some words to her, but when we ask her what's going on in the story, she's almost always on point. Last night during our scripture study, she said, "If we read the scriptures, we will feel good in our hearts." I could tell the spirit of the Holy Ghost was testifying to her. Out of the mouths of babes. I have no doubt that the children sent to the world during this time are ten times stronger than my own generation. 

Keeping the Sabbath day holy isn't something I've always been good at. I know I could be doing more, so yesterday I made a list of all the things I could be doing to make Sunday more special and I really tried to do them. It wasn't even hard. Occasionally I'd find myself distracted by Facebook, but as I sat doing genealogy, scripture study, reading the Ensign, and watching an uplifting movie, the time flew by and I really feel ready to tackle this week. I feel as if I've got some secret power inside of me ready to be unleashed at the slightest trouble. I wonder why I've been depriving myself of this feeling for so long. 

As you can read for yourself, Stake Conference really helped me to pick out what I most need to work on and I'm grateful that I went and was strengthened and uplifted. As the visiting member of the Seventy said quoting King Benjamin in Mosiah 4:10 "If ye believe all these things see that ye do them." I have done the "believing" part, but I have not been completely doing the "doing" part. I cannot claim to have a testimony of this gospel, if I am not doing the things it tells me to do. 

I did not mean for this post to become so hefty. I have been so enjoying the time I've had with Jordan off and I am dreading him going back to school and work next week. I have been so blessed to have him around for so long after Romney was born. I can't believe how well that all worked out with our schedules. I started working out again today after getting over my cold. I'm fulfilling one of my New Year's Resolutions by doing a workout challenge. I went on a long walk around the zoo with a friend, and I'm looking forward to enjoying my evening with Romney, watching a chick flick and eating some Pho vermicelli while Olivia and Jordan are off camping. It's nice to have a night in all to myself, especially with such a low-maintenance, and might I add, ADORABLE companion! This week we plan on going to Kemah boardwalk for some family fun! There is so much to look forward to and I can't wait!   

It's the End of the World as We Know It...

Are you singing the song??? I feel like I always get songs stuck in my head and those songs always become the theme songs of my day and my life. I just listened to the lyrics of that song though, and basically the only part of that song that actually fits what I'm feeling right now is the chorus.
Anyway, 2017 is here! Happy New Year!
It IS the end of the world as we know it, but only if we choose to change and to become something better and something new. Change is inevitable, for the most part, but we can choose to have a lot of control by making positive changes in our lives. As I've read some of my friend's New Year's Resolutions, I'd like to share some of mine as well.

Health is one of my biggest goals in my life. I feel like it's what I've struggled the most with:
-Eat a planned dinner at home at least 6 days a week
-Don't buy junk food (if I don't have it in the home, it's much easier to avoid)
-Drink around 3 liters of water a day
-Use measuring tape to measure my muscle growth and don't rely on the scale
-Increase amount of weight I can lift
-Work out 3-5 times a week for at least a half hour
-Always eat breakfast
-Find a doable FREE workout challenge and DO IT!

Spiritual:
-Read every monthly Ensign magazine cover to cover
-Have Family Home Evening every Monday
-Read my scriptures every day
-Say a morning and bedtime prayer every day
-Read the entire Book of Mormon in a year together as a family

Mind:
-Read at least one book a month
-I want to learn Spanish!
-Do an hour of writing a week (blogs, books, journal....)


A lot of these are goals I'm already working on, but I feel it's important to list them out as a reminder. I know there are a lot of goals, but with dedication I feel I can really do all of this.

I can't believe it's 2017 already. Where does the time go?! Already practically half our year is planned out with new fun adventures: Visiting friends and family, a trip to Disneyland, hopefully buying a house and moving...There are a lot of good things ahead in our horizon and I can't wait to see how 2017 will play out! I think this could be one of our best years yet!

I wish you all luck with your resolutions, but let's all resolve to be better people and help to make this world a little brighter!

I Don't Want to be a Martyr! My thoughts on breastfeeding.

I didn't ask for this, but I don't want to die for my cause. I've been struggling with breastfeeding my son Romney for almost 8 weeks now. He has a poor latch, even after a frenulectomy, where they snipped his upper lip frenulum. He's not tongue-tied, but I've been told by experts that he has a high palate, which makes it hard for him to get the proper stimulation to suck strongly. Some people told me that after the frenulectomy, feeding Romney would be a complete change and so much better...but my dreams, like a ship dashed against the rocks, was destroyed in a shocking, heartbreaking way. Feeding Romm hasn't gotten much better. Maybe seeing the lactation consultant was a little too late or maybe I would have never increased my milk supply anyway, but after trying Fenugreek, drinking tons of water, pumping seven times a day for twenty minutes, eating oatmeal, and cashews, I just can't seem to get my milk supply any higher than the measly ounce to two ounces that I get.

This is how my schedule looks right now: Feed Romney every 3 hours. Each feeding consists of breastfeeding Romm on each side for ten minutes with a nipple shield because he just can't latch on to my nipple, then I usually pump right after for twenty minutes while Jordan bottle feeds Romney a 3-4 oz bottle of pumped breastmilk and a topoff of formula if I don't pump enough breastmilk to satisfy him. If Jordan isn't around, then I have to choose if I'm going to try to pump while I bottle feed Romney, or if I'm going to separate the two tasks (both HAVE to be done). I've looked into the Medela supplemental nutrition system, which would allow me to give Romney his supplemental feeding while I nurse him, but the system is $45 just for a little plastic bottle with some tubes attached. 

I was so lucky that Jordan had so much time off from work to help me deal with all of this. He takes care of our 4 year old daughter and feeds Romney and does diaper changes and dishes and everything else, all so I can continue to feed Romney breastmilk, but I have to wonder, with Jordan's imminent return to work fast approaching, IS IT WORTH IT? 

I spend more than seven hours a day fighting to feed Romney breastmilk because I was determined that THIS TIME around I would not be thwarted like I was with Olivia. Yes, sure, Olivia has turned into a lovely child and I only breastfed her for three months (we had similar challenges). I have exhausted all of my resources, and put so much time and effort into this, but is it worth it?...Or am I needlessly choosing to die as a martyr? 

I have read SO MANY articles about breastfeeding: many articles tell you that ONLY breastfeeding is best. A lot of articles tell you that using a nipple shield should only be TEMPORARY and not a long-term fix. Other articles tell you that exclusively pumping is problematic because you risk your supply going down and bottle-feeding breastmilk has many risks such as contaminated breastmilk and losing fat content and other nutrients. TONS of articles tell you that if you don't breastfeed, you won't get the bonding experience that is crucial to raising a baby in this day and age. 

ALL of these articles have left me wondering WHY? Why couldn't my breastfeeding experience be better? Why can't I increase my supply? Why couldn't the frenulectomy make everything better? At the end of the day I am left confused and wondering which direction I should turn and finding very little help along the way. I have tried EVERYTHING. It makes me infuriated and jealous when I read comments from would-be helpful mamas telling me to do ALL of the things I've already done and that soon I will be pumping glorious bottles filled to the brim with breastmilk or that if I just keep bringing Romney to the breast it will just magically click. 

I feel like a walking stigma: I use a nipple shield, I pump, and I formula feed my child. Why can't I do anything right? Why are there so many articles out there designed to shame women into thinking there is only one right way to feed a baby? Why isn't there more support? 

The thing is, I don't want to stop nursing my son. I love it that I can soothe him just by bringing him to my breast. It makes me feel like a have a special superpower. I love looking at his face and his little fists gripping my breast possessively as he feeds. This is our time and no one else's. If this is my superpower then I would say my kryptonite is time. It all just takes TOO MUCH TIME to feed him. I can't go on like this. While I love it...I also dread it. I have another child, a husband, pets, a home, and even myself, to think about. I can't be a martyr for the breastfeeding cause. 

I don't know what my next step will be, but I think it's going to have to be cutting out some of our nursing time to only a couple times a day. I tell myself that I should not feel bad about this. I don't need to mourn the loss of this time. I should be happy that we live in a time where formula is a great option and that I can still pump breastmilk for him, but I worry that my supply will go down, and then I will be left with just formula. Why should I worry about this? Haven't I tried my very best to do everything I could to give my son the best feeding experience? 

I don't want to be told by other mamas that my son will thank me for all I did, because that is a BIG FAT LIE! My child isn't going to grow up feeling superior because he was breastfed or because of all of our lovey-dovey eye contact through breastfeeding. He's going to thank me because I fed him plain and simple, I clothed him, and I provided a roof over his head and I loved him. He's never going to know how much effort I put into feeding him as an infant. Even if reads this, he will never understand what sacrifices I've made. He may even read this and wonder why I allowed myself to get so crazy over it. Why didn't I just gracefully turn to formula, quit nursing, and move on in the first place instead of pulling out my hair and crying my eyes out?

So again, I ask IS IT WORTH IT? I don't think it is. This thought probably makes me the most sad, because it makes me feel like I needlessly sacrificed for my son. It was all for naught. 

I don't know how long I'll be able to keep on pumping before I throw in the towel and just switch to formula. I don't want to have a defeatist attitude. I want to celebrate every step of raising my child. 

I want to celebrate the time we got to spend together breastfeeding. I want to celebrate the many ounces of milk I pumped for him, even if I could never make enough to have a giant stash in my freezer. I want to celebrate modern science and formula and thank Heavenly Father that there is another great way to feed my son besides breasts and my son won't die of starvation. I want to celebrate bottle feeding my son and the fact that we still get to bond through eye contact and touch. I can still sing to my son while I feed him and caress his face and hold his fingers. The bond isn't loss through the mode of feeding. 

My journey has been different from other women. It has been hard and time-consuming and I don't take it for granted. I am learning that the only right way to feed and raise my child, is the way I decide to do it. All those articles and would-be helpful mamas can just go jump in a lake. I don't need them to make me feel worse about what I'm doing. I can do that enough on my own. My plea to all you mothers out there is to be careful about advice that you give. Something that worked for you is not a cure-all. Every baby and every mom is different. Your experiences, while they may help, can also make other moms feel like utter crap. We all just need to support one another and leave the shaming aside. Offer helpful resources, give advice, but in the end, put your arm around your fellow sister in motherhood and smile and say, "You did good" no matter what she chooses. That's what I would want.