Today I took the kids to the Zoo by myself so that Jordan could get some sleep after working a 24 hour shift. I took a ton of photos at the zoo and posted them on Instagram, but it got me thinking about how far I've come in my confidence and comfort. I used to only like going out if I knew a friend could join us. Having only kids to talk to all day, I relished being able to talk with other adults and moms who could relate. Now that Jordan is gone so much more, I'm finding that I have to step even more out of my comfort zone and do other things on my own, like car maintenance, yard maintenance, holidays, and other outings. Sometimes I still find that I'm a little scared to navigate things on my own, but I genuinely enjoy spending time with my kids and learning how to do new things. Going to the zoo isn't that hard, but when I was a younger mom, just the thought of going alone somewhere filled me with dread. I didn't want to spend all day with just kids. I didn't want to have to figure out where to park and the logistics of it all. I felt alone.
Now, I don't feel alone. I have learned from other women how to just go and be happy. I have learned to try new things with the kids, even when Jordan can't go, because it brings fun new experiences and memories, and knowledge that I CAN DO THIS. I can keep "mom-ing" even when Jordan isn't around because I'm an intelligent, creative, motivated, and loving woman. I deserve to have experiences. So, instead of moaning that I have no one to go with to the zoo, I've learned to take pleasure in the fact that I have my kids to go with. They say and do funny things and point things out that I may have never noticed without them. They bring joy to the days when I'm sad Jordan isn't around. I'm not saying that all I need are my kids. I definitely NEED and crave adult interaction, but this last year being a stay-at-home-mom has taught me so much about being with my kids.
To all those women whose husbands are never around and feel alone, I would say, just get out and go do something. Talk to the people around you. Make friends with the women at the gym, or park, or your church, or even at the grocery store. Find a MOPS group or create a playgroup. Above all though, find the joy in parenting alone. Find the joy in getting to be the one that gets to be around. Think of how lucky your children are that they have someone who is there for them. There is so much happiness in getting to make memories with your kids. The best way to find this comfort and happiness in "mom-ing" alone, is to accept it, realize that you can't control the things around you, but you can make the best out of what seems like a crappy situation. Having to go everywhere without your husband sucks 100%! I constantly think about how sad Jordan must be feeling to always miss out on our fun adventures. I miss him when he's not with us and I miss not having him around as a second pair of hands. I've learned to ask people for help.
Often times, people look at me and I can tell they want to help, but don't know what to do when my toddler is running one direction and my super helpful 6 year old can't keep up. I look at them and just say, "Hey, can you help me grab my kid?!" They normally jump right in, once I've expressed that I can't handle it all on my own. Thank goodness for villages. So, all you moms who struggle with being alone: find your Mom Tribe and make everyone around you apart of your village. Make a plan about where you're going to go when you're alone with the kids. If your plans go south and you find yourself stuck at home, just try to relax as much as you can and don't sweat it. Let the kids watch as much TV as they want. Get a pizza or order Chinese food. "Mom-ing" alone is hard, so don't worry about feeding your kids an amazing dinner or constantly getting out with them.
Just learn from your experiences and be more happy in the moment. I think I'm starting to understand that. I'm still on the surface of being happy in the moment. I'm still working on it, but it's coming. I'm learning to not let things bother me that I can't control. I'm learning to be happy because it makes me feel better than being sad or upset. I'm learning that it's ok to move on from negative feelings without a complete resolution. Sometimes leaving negative feelings behind in the dust is the most freeing thing you can do. Not everything needs to be resolved and not everything needs to be addressed right away. I'm not saying you should ignore your feelings, but sometimes it is ok to just let them go. Just move on and enjoy the experience.
It's crazy for me to look back at the mom I used to be and the mom I've become, and I'm genuinely grateful for this last year and the experiences that have made me grow into a more independent, confident, and better mom. I no longer feel like I'm going back to work next year so that I can escape my kids. In fact, I'm a little scared to leave my kids for work. I'm choosing to go back to work though, because it's time for me to learn some new things. I'll get to learn how to be a full-time nurse, and a mom, and a wife, and I'm so excited for this next phase. I'm so thankful for a husband who supports my dreams and goals 110%! I am so lucky! I am also extremely lucky to be the mom of my two kiddos who teach me so much. I'm not perfect. No where near it, but they make me a little better every day, and I'm so glad I can recognize that and appreciate what my kids do for me.
Above all, we all have moments where we feel like we're doing something alone or don't feel supported. That's ok. Feel it. Experience it. Then figure out how you can feel more supported and less lonely. Denying yourself the experience of feeling alone, makes it so that you can't help the person next to you who may be feeling alone. You can more easily recognize what someone else needs, when you've experienced it yourself. "Mom-ing" alone has sure taught me a lot, but I think the most important teaching it's brought into my life, is how to love myself and love my kids. It's forced me to think about their happiness and to be happy for them, and that has made me realize that I really do want to be happy. I don't need someone else to be happy. But I'm pretty blessed by all the people that surround me and do love me and make me happy.
Look around mama. You've got this. There is a village and a tribe waiting to support you. There are places to go and things to learn, and Little Adventurers by your side waiting to see the world you show them. Discover together, learn together, grow together, and love together. All you have to do, is step out into the world. It's waiting.
