Thanksgiving and recovery

It definitely does not feel like Thanksgiving today with Olivia gone to her grandparents in Utah. She's having a blast though, especially since it snowed just for her! She ran outside screaming and yelling in excitement that it was snowing! I'm so thankful that she gets to spend the holiday with her grandparents, uncles, aunts, and cousins and I hope she realizes how loved she is! The choice to send her away to Utah happened so quickly! Jordan happened to mention jokingly that Olivia could go back with my parents on their drive and then all of a sudden it was a real, full-blown plan! After I realized that she was really leaving, I broke down and cried a few times. While taking care of Olivia can be exhausting due to her endless energy and incessant chattering, she had been my rock during the summer when Jordan was gone. She has the biggest heart and was comforting me before she left, telling me she would come back, which is exactly what she told me while her daddy was away for three months this summer. I'm constantly in awe at her maturity and ability to handle change. With the life we live, it is such a blessing to know how strong Olivia is! I'm so grateful for her and the joy she brings into our lives! She'll always be my first baby, but I am glad for the time we've had to just spend with Romney.

 It has been really hard adjusting to the lack of sleep since having Romney. He's two weeks and hasn't gained his birth weight back yet, so I'm still feeding him regularly through the night and now I've started pumping to help increase my supply. He seems to be healthy and he's generally a good baby, but I don't want him to fall behind. Breastfeeding is seriously one of the hardest things to learn, in my humble opinion. There's so many websites telling you what to do, books, doctors...it's exhausting just thinking about it. It's even worse when your baby wakes up wanting to nurse a whole hour sooner than you anticipated! Last night, more than half asleep myself and close to tears, I begged Romney to hurry and finish eating so I could go back to my bed and Jordan could take over. It's hard to not think dark thoughts during these hours of the night. Everyone says that this is just a phase, but part of me fears that I'm never going to get a good night's sleep again and I'll just be a zombie for the rest of my life. I'm re-learning how important naps are in my schedule and to let Jordan do more around the house, or to just let the housework slide all together some days. After all, I'm only two weeks postpartum after having an emergency C-section. My body is still healing and rest is so important right now. I don't need to worry about getting ready, or doing the dishes, or folding laundry. It's OK to just sit back and relax. Here's a picture of me, looking totally exhausted, but I am super happy to be this little guy's mommy!  

 I miss how easy it was to go on outings. It takes so much more planning now, and I've had to tell myself that it's OK if we miss out on something, especially right now. With Christmas around the corner, there's so many fun things I want to do, but I can see that I'm going to have choose carefully what things really matter. Going from one kid to two is definitely a hard transition, even with Olivia being as old and helpful as she is. My Aunt Colleen always said that THINGS TAKE TIME, especially if it's a good thing. It's just going to take some time to adjust and get used to this new life. Besides the exhaustion, I'm feeling pretty good. I can't wait to get cleared to work out again and start doing something for myself. I'm generally pretty happy and I'm so grateful for all the meals my ward has been bringing us, for my husband's help and kind words to boost my self-esteem, and for our parents for helping us so much with Olivia and coming to visit! I definitely feel loved and supported right now and I can't express my gratitude enough. Right now, I'm just grateful that I get to know this new, sweet spirit that Romney has brought into our home! He really is such a sweet baby and I think it's appropriate on Thanksgiving to say, "I'll eat you up, I love you so!"

   GOBBLE GOBBLE!

New blog title...Friends for the Weekend!

Choosing to join the Army for medical school has brought a lot of changes and opportunities to go to new places and meet new friends. We've had to learn how to quickly make a new place into a home. Sherwood wrote a song called the Town You Live In that talks about how we make choices to move around a lot and never fully rooted in one place. I feel that applies a lot to our family. It's going to be a long time before we are ever living somewhere permanently, but you can be our friend for the weekend! I don't mean we just want you as a friend for the weekend, but that although our time with you may be fleeting, we look forward to your companionship, no matter how short the time.

Romney's Birth Story

I woke up before 7 a.m. on November 9, 2016 after not getting a lot of sleep (it was the morning after the 2016 presidential election and Donald Trump had just become president-elect). I remember going to the bathroom and found that I had bloody show, which means I was having cervical changes and losing my mucus plug. I felt like I was having period cramps so I decided to take a hot bath. I remember sitting in the bathtub feeling a sense of peace about the day. I didn’t feel worried about the election and I had this feeling that my baby boy would soon be greeting us either today or tomorrow. My mom was flying in from Utah around 3 p.m., which was the same time as my 40 week doctor appointment and today was my due date. I had actually been scheduled to go in the next day, but my doctor had to move my appointment up a day. I was glad to know that my mom would most likely be here when he was born. We had a lot to do that morning and I got myself ready for the day and Olivia ready for school. For some reason I felt like I shouldn’t wear my contacts. Again I felt like baby boy would be coming soon and I knew I wouldn’t really need them today anyway since Jordan would do most of the driving around town. After Olivia went to school, Jordan and I cleaned up the house. I was having contractions on and off, but nothing regular and nothing very painful. I felt a lot of pressure down in my pelvis and I’d get these spasms suddenly that would make me have to stop what I was doing. Anyway, I was still having a LOT of discharge all day, but we carried on. We went to Target to get something for the baby, and then we went to Kohl’s to look at shoes for Jordan and buy some jeggings for me for after the baby was born, which I was able to buy for $15! Score! After that, we picked Olivia up from school and then hung out at home for a bit until I had to leave for my appointment.

It was a pretty normal day and I wasn’t anticipating much at my appointment. I knew it would be a quick one and then I’d leave to go see my mom, who would most likely be at my home by the time I was done. I was looking forward to taking her out to dinner for her upcoming birthday. When I got to my appointment I was informed that Dr. Wiener was running late in a surgery. They brought me back to an exam room and I waited a while for her. By the time she got there it was close to 4 p.m. I told her about my bloody show and she had me lie back to check me. She told me that she saw some fluid and decided to check it to see if it was amniotic fluid. She asked me if I had noticed any leaking throughout the day and I told her no, besides the bloody show. I had had nothing that resembled amniotic fluid. When she checked me, I was surprised to find that it was indeed amniotic fluid and that I was dilated to a three. Suddenly, as I was still lying down, there was a sudden gush of fluid and my water completely broke. She told me that she was concerned that there was meconium in the amniotic fluid (the baby’s first poop) and that there was more blood than she would have expected. I wasn’t too worried at the time; I was more excited that I had actually gone into labor on my own! Dr. Wiener told me that I should head to labor and delivery and so I got dressed and headed out of the room, already on the phone with Jordan while the nurse was trying to tell me what to do. I was excited as I called Jordan on the phone to tell him that my water had broken and that he and my mom (who was already at the apartment) were to meet me at the hospital. I remember telling the nurse that I had parked in the garage and I didn’t want to have to pay more. I suggested running home real quick to take the car back and Jordan bringing me back. I guess I wasn’t thinking very clearly at the moment because the nurse told me she didn’t think the doctor would want that and also reminded me that traffic would be terrible at this hour. So I headed to the triage floor and checked myself in and waited for my mom and Jordan to show up.

They finally got to the hospital and the nurse moved me to labor and delivery. I knew I probably had a long wait ahead of me. My contractions still weren’t painful, but they felt like spasms down in my bladder. I’d get a whole bunch of contractions on top of each other and then they’d stop for a few minutes before I’d get another. They were close together, but still irregular and not at all what I expected. The nurse had to give me antibiotics which burned my arm and I remember shivering and the nurse giving me an ice pack to put on my arm, which actually helped relieve the burning sensation. Dr. Espana (the on-call doctor) came in and told me the baby was having a late deceleration. Jordan later told me that the late deceleration lasted for five minutes and the baby’s heart rate went way down. Basically, baby didn’t seem to be too happy in my womb anymore. Dr. Espana wanted to continue to watch me, but he warned me if there were more decelerations then we would have to call it and I’d need a C-section. I told my mom and Jordan to leave to go get food. They weren’t gone long before the resident came in and told me I was having more late decelerations and that it was time to call it. I wasn’t scared when they told me. I knew that my baby needed to get out quickly and I felt at peace with this decision. I still needed to get an epidural so there was time to call Jordan back. First the resident tried to get ahold of him with no luck and then I got ahold of him while they were wheeling me to the operating room. I hardly had time to give him directions before they demanded my phone.

The nurses and all the staff introduced themselves and were so nice. The nurse helped me get through getting an epidural and the anesthesiologist held my hand and comforted me as they began operating on me. I remember it feeling like it took forever to get Jordan there. I wasn’t scared without him, but I desperately needed him by my side to comfort me and assure me everything was ok. He got there and helped me through the uncomfortable sensation of the tugging and pulling. Finally, after an eternity, Jordan told me they were pulling baby out and I heard my son cry for the first time. The whole operation took three minutes from the time they started cutting me open to when they pulled him out. Jordan and I looked at each other and we both cried as we were overcome by the spiritual aspects of his birth and hearing the sound of his cry. He was here! Jordan stayed by my side and I got to hold Romney on my chest while they sewed me back up. I couldn’t withstand the awful sensation for long though and I had to tell Jordan to take Romney away as I was feeling sick. The operation was over quickly and soon I was heading back to my room. It had been four hours from the time my water broke until Romney was born. I never imagined that all of this would happen this way. I feel like it was a perfect storm of events that led to this and I feel no sorrow that I didn’t get my VBAC. I’m so grateful my son is here safe and healthy and that I lived through it as well. It turns out that I had a placental abruption (my placenta was tearing away from the wall of the uterus) and I could have bled out or the baby could have died from oxygen insufficiency. Thank goodness for modern medicine!

            The rest of the evening was a blur. I was on morphine and I kept fading in and out. Jordan or my mom would be talking to me and suddenly I’d just fall asleep or black out. I was sick for the first twelve hours after the surgery and couldn’t keep a thing down, not even ice chips. I remember the nurse coming in several times and telling me that my urine was too concentrated and that I needed more fluids. Every time I’d try to feed the baby I’d have to stop to throw up. It was a rough night. The next day I was able to eat some strawberry jello and it tasted amazing! It was so nice to keep something in my stomach. Romney weighed 7 lbs 13 oz, was 20.5 inches in length, and had an APGAR of 8 and 9! After the first night, everything else went pretty smoothly. Olivia came to see me with my mom the next day after I was feeling better. It was like watching two angels meeting for the first time on Earth after being friends in Heaven. Olivia was so sweet with Romney and seemed to know exactly what her role would be from now on. I can’t wait to watch them grow up! Some things about my stay I’d rather forget (or not mention), but the food was great and Jordan stayed with me every night at the hospital because I was a big baby and started having a panic attack after being alone for a little while. I’m recovering well and Romney is doing great! Looking back now, I know Heavenly Father prepared me for what was going to happen. Things couldn’t have worked out any better and I’m just so grateful we’re safe. If my appointment hadn’t been changed and if my water hadn’t broken at the hospital, things may have gone in a much worse direction. I’m not sure both Romney and I would be here. I’m so grateful to the medical staff at the Pavilion for Women who took such great care of me and for my family and friends who helped us get through the craziness of Romney’s birth. I’m so excited he’s finally here and we get to start our lives together.